Past Indiscretions
by HeartBeatFailure-x
Summary: AU: Matt and Mello are happy with their four-year strong relationship, with the life they've built for and with each other and the escape it provides from their pasts. They'd never questioned who the other was, before they got to where they are. There had never been any need to know and it didn't matter, as long as they were happy. What changed?
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hello!**

**So, i've had multiple fanfic ideas for various things (TMI, Deathnote, Naruto being the main ones) and i've yet to decide what to go ahead with! I'm struggling for some, but I wanted to get something up on here just for a nudge for me, really. This one's been lying around for a while (and i dont think it has an ending, yet!). I think I have a thing for long intro's - im not that good with jumping into action on the first chapter, so the first few will probably be just getting used to Matt and Mel in their (completely un-deathnote related) life.**

**On that note - I OWN NOTHING! and will continue to own nothing. Matt and Mello belong to the creators of DeathNote - we all know that, right? Good!**

**~Thanks!**

**Mello.**

I shifted my Macbook from the desk and slipped it into it's case, setting it on the side along with my jacket. After collecting any papers that I might have needed from my desk, I placed them inside a folder and placed that on the side too. Once sure that my office was cleaned and ready for tomorrow, I flicked off the lights, collected my things from the side and left, locking the door behind me.

"You're finishin' up late" Greg, the janitor, offered me a wave and a smile. "Hard case?"

"New one" I voiced. "Trying to get a head start" He nodded in appreciation. He'd worked here longer than I had and knew how things worked.

"Good luck with that" He paused his mopping and rested his arms on the pole. "Havin' a good night in with the fella?" I grinned at that, nodded my head and blushed like a schoolboy. "Awh, four years an' he still has ya' goin' all red" I shook my head, hoping the air would cool it down. "Safe trip home then, yeah? That bike o' yours is rattling again – you should get it checked"

"Will do, Greg" I gave him another wave as I headed towards the stairs. "Say hi to the family for me"

Greg was right; the bike was rattling again. I made a mental note to take it to the garage or let Matt look at it for me – he was good like that. It was only a twenty minute drive back to our apartment.

Unlocking the front door, I stepped inside, tossed my keys into the small dish on the side and placed my helmet on its shelf.

"Matt!" I called, instantly checking the living room, the first door off the small corridor. The thought that maybe he'd gone to bed already crossed my mind, so I turned with the aim of heading to the bedroom, but I was attacked from behind.

Something, (cough, Matt, cough) jumped onto my back, legs just about managing to wrap around my waist before I lost balance. I flung myself back to counterbalance the force, two skinny arms wrapping around my chest.

"Ah you're home!" He breathed, my hair shifting on my neck. "I missed you"

"I missed you too, lover"

"Oooh, we're complimenting" He chuckled and I felt him kiss my neck, then nibble my ear. "What are you after? Sex?"

"Now that you mention it, my bike's playing up again and I'd like you to take a look, when you have a minute"

"Can I look at other things?" Matt's bare foot shifted around until it had a good position near my crotch. His balance toppled and he chuckled, his hands reaching for the doorframe to balance himself. His legs slipped from my waist, his arms instantly around my neck as I seized the opportunity and spun to face him. I gripped his waist. It was feeling bony and thin again. Too skinny. And there I was thinking we'd made progress.

"Did you have lunch?"

"Worked through it" Matt gave a shrug and nudged his body closer to me. "You?"

"I had a sandwich; have you had tea yet?" His guilty face told me everything. "Matt" I scolded.

"I was waiting for you!" He defended. "Honest"

"No you weren't" I kissed his head nonetheless and passed him, shuffling towards the kitchen and taking my shoes off as I did. I flung them to the other end of the corridor by the door before I continued on into the kitchen to check the freezer. "How does lasagne sound?"

"It sounds great, but it takes too long" Matt came up behind me slid his hands around my waist, untucking my shirt and unbuckling my belt.

"Then...Spaghetti?"

"Mel, I'm not hungry – I wanna' do something else" I spun away from him and gripped his hands. "I'm not slipping" He mumbled, leaning closer and stealing a kiss. We stared at each other for a few seconds before he sighed in defeat. "Fine; is there any ice-cream? I fancy ice-cream" I released his arms and raided the freezer.

"Ben and Jerry's?"

"Only the best!" Matt grabbed two large spoons and pulled me into the living room, pushing me onto the sofa before straddling me, taking the ice cream _off _me and putting it on the coffee table behind him.

"Are you just horny, or something? You're not high, are you?"

"Mel I don't do drugs" He nipped my neck again and reached his cold fingers under my shirt. "I missed you today. You weren't here when I woke up and it's been a very long day" I pulled him closer in response and he began unbuttoning my shirt buttons. "How was work?"

"I got a new case today" I told him, wriggling out of my shirt before pulling his off within seconds. He grinned, his green eyes dancing with excitement. I settled him down and took the ice cream and the spoon. He whined in response, but seemed to like it when I fed him small spoonfuls.

"What's the case?" He said around the ice cream, taking up the other spoon, scooping it in the tub and hovering it near my mouth.

"You know I can't talk about it; client confidentiality" I took the spoon in my mouth and licked off the ice cream. Matt pouted. "I can't bend the rules" I reminded him.

"Does this mean you'll be working more hours?" He asked, accepting another incoming spoon of ice cream.

"Maybe" I shrugged. "Not sure yet; I don't know how big it's going to be"

"Big, huh?" Matt began grinding his lower half over mine; I couldn't help a groan. "I guess all lawyers think they're big-shots"

"Ouch" I frowned with mock hurt. "And I suppose all gamers think they're superheroes?"

"I _am _a superhero" Matt smiled and wriggled on top of me, taking another spoon of ice cream that I offered him. "y'ush'd'no'it"

"What was that?" I laughed, setting the ice cream on the coffee table and quickly dipping in for a kiss. I'm sure I got some ice cream, too. "I love you"

"I didn't say that; but I love you too" Matt swung his arms up and stretched. "Now I'm cold" He moaned, dropping his hands onto my bare chest. "Warm me up, Melly" He mocked the '_beam me up, scotty' _from that darn tv series and slipped away from the sofa. "I'll be in the bedroom freezing my ass off until you feel like heating me up a little" His disappeared around the corner and I heard rustling. His jeans were tossed from his unseen place in the corridor and into the living room, flopping on the back of the couch where I was sat. "Jeans are off!" He called playfully. "Sock one..." He drew out slowly, followed by a sock-ball flying into the room. "Off!" I grinned. "Sock two is lonely in the corridor" I shook my head at his antics; he probably missed the shot into the living room as he closed in on the bedroom. "Underpants..." He began suggestively; I sat up slowly, trying to stop the blood rushing to my lower regions. "Are..." I bit my lip and unbuckled my belt fully, slipping them from their loops on my trousers and following Matt's voice into the corridor. "Off!" He called. His underpants were placed outside the bedroom door, the door open slightly. I pushed it open fully, stepped in, and closed it behind me.

"Damn..." Matt breathed, running his eyes over me. "You hit the gym again?" I grinned at him and walked over to the bed. "No!" He held his hands out in protest.

"You're naked" I stated. "On our bed" My eyebrows rose. "Why are you stopping me?"

"I got you here" He grinned, flopping his skinny arms to the bed and wriggling backwards to the pillow. "Now I want you to do something for me"

"I'll fuck you senseless if you'll let me in the damn bed" I frowned.

"Touchy touchy" Matt leaned forwards a little, flicking off the main light from the switch by the bed and blanketing us in darkness. The table light next to him lit up the room in a warm glow. "Either you pounce on me like you plan to..." I twitched, ready to do as he said. "...and get my freezing cold self all over your very hot body" The thought sent chills down my spine. "OR" He held up a hand. "You warm me up before you get to me" His eyebrows wiggled suggestively.

"That's-" I was about to say 'impossible' but the idea struck me seconds later."But there's just the pants" I hooked my fingers under the waistline of my trousers and tugged a little. "It won't work properly" Matt groaned.

"I'm horny!" He whined. "Just get it over with so you can warm me up and we can get all sweaty and cuddly, ok?" It could've taken a few seconds for me to reach him, strip-teasing my way right over to the bed. I made it last longer than necessary, enjoying his hungry gaze on my body before he finally gave in and yanked me down onto the bed. "You shouldn't be a lawyer" He moaned, his legs around my waist as he pulled me closer to him.

"Why?" I slipped my hand down his chest and towards his groin. His hips bucked in encouragement.

"Because...ah!" He gripped me closer and I took it as a sign to continue. "Fuck..." He muttered. "I would have a smart-ass comment, but mmmf" He wriggled under my touch and I kissed his lips, slipping my tongue in and out. "Nevermind" He muttered, pulling me against him and flipping us over; I'd let him top, if only because he'd been waiting all day, the moron.


	2. Chapter 2

**Mello's POV.**

I felt Matt stir next to me, his breathing hitching just a little as his body stretched. He let out a small huff and rolled over to me, the bed dipping as he did so.

He was still for a few more seconds, but I could feel him watching me; I pretended to be sleeping, it was funny the things I heard when he thought I wasn't paying attention. He placed a light kiss on my head. The bed dipped again as he tried to roll away from me as quietly and as gently as he could; his bare feet hit the floor and he yawned.

I heard his feet begin their walk to the bathroom, and I wondered briefly if he still had his eyes closed. It wasn't uncommon for him to walk around, especially first thing in the morning, with his eyes closed as he pretended to be blind; apparently it was something worth knowing in case anything happened. I wasn't too concerned, he _did _know the apartment like the back of his hand.

I heard the taps run and the water slosh as he got washed, then the little clink that the toothbrushes made when they were taken from the pot by the sink. Then, as if to spite me, a small _meow _was heard from outside. At first I thought, _hoped, _that I'd imagined it, but it happened again and I knew I hadn't.

I sighed to myself and rub my eyes awake, sitting up against the headboard and waiting for Matt to come back into the bedroom. His face lit up instantly as he did so, crawling up from the end of the bed and to the top, his face curious.

"Did I wake you up?" He flopped himself down onto the bed, his face round about next to my legs which were snug and straight under the duvet. He walked his fingers upwards.

"Nope" I grinned, reaching a hand for my boyfriend's unkempt hair. "You didn't brush it"

"What's the point?" Matt shuffled back up to the top of the bed and sat next me. "You only mess it up again" I nodded thoughtfully. It always looked touchable, brushed or not brushed.

"True" I whispered, sliding a hand through the red tangles before shaking it about to prove my point. Matt smirked. "The cat's at the window again" We were both silent for a few seconds before the chorus of a small, whine-like _'mew, mew!' _was heard impatiently from the kitchen window. "It's not my pet" I sighed and flung the covers from my body, giving myself a good stretch, my muscles tightening before I leapt from the bed.

"It's not _my _pet" Matt argued with a cute frown.

"Then don't feed it" I wiggled a finger at Matt and disappeared into the bathroom as Matt had done.

"But then it'll starve" Matt called, determined to win the argument. "You'd rather have a living cat on your window than a dead one!"

"At least if it's dead it won't whine like an impatient runt" I responded, turning on the shower. After showering and getting washed, I poked my head into the bedroom and, seeing no sight of Matt, sneaked over to the kitchen.

There was a cool breeze coming from the doorway so I knew Matt had let the cat in. I listened as Matt shuffled around the kitchen, getting the cat's bowl and what sounded like a couple of mugs –oh! He flicked the kettle on. I turned to continue getting ready, heading for the bathroom, but-

"Floor" Matt commanded. I imagined him pointing to the floor like he would if he could order a dog about. I grinned, desperately wanting to remind him that the stray was a _cat. _The cat only mewed in response. I heard a shuffle and another sound, then the small 'pad' as the cat's paws hit the floor. Matt had placed him there.

"You've been around long enough to know the rules; no cats on the counters" Unhappy, the cat began its wailing. I laughed quietly in the corridor, out of sight. "I don't know who your owner is" Matt began, "But when I find out who it is, I'm going to give them a speech that'll make my English teacher proud" I moved to the bedroom and got changed into my work suit. I was glad I had a late start today, but it meant that I'd probably end up working late tonight.

My hair didn't take long to dry, but I gave it a quick whiz with the hair dryer just to be sure. I left my blazer by the door, heading into the kitchen, hearing Matt scold; "You'll have to pay for that – you'll be getting water next time" I couldn't help but shake my head.

"Stop talking to it, you'll encourage it"

"Do I encourage you when I talk?" Matt quipped, raising his eyebrows and shuffling over to me, still in his pyjama bottoms; they were too long and he almost tripped over them. "Morning, Sexy" He pecked my lips as a tease and then yanked me closer for a good one. "I like this suit" It was one of my newer ones. It was slightly looser than some of the formal ones I had, still mostly black though. The shirt was white, the top button was never done up – probably a leftover habit from high school, and the sleeves were always rolled to the elbows. "Keeping your hair down today?" I nodded in confirmation. Some days my hair was tied back, but not today. _Meow! _The cat rubbed itself against my trousers and I hesitated from kicking it. Matt knew I wasn't keen on the darn thing, and cuddled me closer as compensation.

"I can't encourage you to like him?" Matt quirked an eyebrow and grinned, watching as I grimaced at the cat and shifted in his grasp. "He's not that bad" Matt reasoned.

"He just likes to steal food and wake us up in the morning" I rolled my eyes, but Matt knew I was amused. It _was _quite friendly.

"You like him really" Matt concluded with a grin.

"Coffee" I commanded. "Or I'll be late and it'll be your fault" Matt turned to the kettle which had flicked off a few seconds ago, making my coffee and holding it out for me to come and get. I smirked, resting myself comfortably in the doorway of the kitchen, folding my arms across my chest.

"I'm not your slave" Matt set the coffee back on the counter and took up the other, sipping it slowly due to the heat.

"You weren't saying that last night" I sang, grinning. Matt spluttered, his coffee dribbling down his chin and staining his pyjamas. "Oh, right, sorry. Not in front of the cat" I winked. "Gotcha'" Matt whined quietly to himself, sniffing his pyjama top and sighing in defeat. "Why don't you come over here and make those noises"

Matt almost moved closer to the doorframe- "Bring the coffee" -But stopped, turning back to the kitchen and placing some bread in the toaster instead. I sighed in defeat and trudged my way back into the kitchen fully, wrapping my arms around my red head and earning myself a surprised squeak. "We have to work on your obedience again" I nibbled the red heads ear before nuzzling my face affectionately against his hair.

"Not if it's gonna' be any of that tying-me-to-the-bed crap. Mel, you _know _I don't like that"

"We'll see" I smiled to himself, stepping away from Matt and taking my coffee from the counter, drinking it in gulps.

"I can't believe you're going to work; it's Sunday!"

"Some people don't have a choice, Matt" I shook my head and looked at the adorable red head, who was shuffling his feet on the floor looking dejected.

"You working all day today?" Matt mumbled, a disappointed look appearing on his face as he looked up to face me.

"What does it matter? You have a new room-mate" I indicated to the cat and took another few gulps of my coffee. "And yes; all day. You're not?"

"The store closes early on Sundays – and I work most afternoons so there's no point in me working today" I nodded slowly.

"So you'll be having a lazy day?" I asked. Matt nodded enthusiastically.

"Whilst you work your little butt off trying to sort out other peoples lives!" I smirked at this.

"Or ruining them" I reasoned, glancing at the kitchen clock. I set the cup down. "I'm going"

"Bike, or car?" Matt asked, setting his own cup down and quickly wrapping his arms around my waist. "Seeing as I'm not going to work today and I don't plan on going anywhere else...you can have the luxury of choosing" The cat almost got under my feet again, but found another position to finish eating his breakfast.

"Mmmmm" I thought. "Car, I think" Matt nodded in agreement and took the car keys from their pinned up position on the wall near the fridge. "Thanks, Sexy" I placed another kiss on Matt's lips before taking his jacket from the hook by the front door. I went back into the living room to collect my blazer and remembered to pick up my files and Macbook from their place by the door. "I'll be back for six – want me to bring food home? Or will you cook?"

"Lazy day" Matt pointed out cheekily.

"Chinese?" I asked, opening the front door to our apartment and stepping out.

"Don't forget the prawn crackers this time – please!"

"Okay – have fun being a bum all day" I called, shutting the door before Matt could reply. So Matt did the alternative. Seconds later, I have a text message from him. _'Have fun paying for our Chinese tonight! 3'_

Matt didn't expect replies from me unless they were important, so I doubt he was too upset by the fact that he didn't get one.

**0**

L walked into my office without so much of a knock; I didn't mind though, I'd been working with him long enough to know that he had very few manners when concerning privacy. I offered him a lollipop from my jar on the side and he seemed content, curling into the chair opposite my desk and throwing the wrapper in the bin.

"Did you get a chance to read those files?" He asked.

"I read them before I left last night" I told him. "Near's working on this one too?"

"And Light" L added. "It's a complex and curious case, Mello"

"Could be a big one" I nodded in agreement. "But I'll admit, I don't know where to start. It's not a normal case"

"I agree" L nodded slowly and there came a knock from the door.

"Come in!" I called, surprised as Near shuffled in with a small 'thankyou' in reply. "Morning" I greeted him, glancing to the seat next to L. He took the hint and slipped into it like a ghost.

"Mello has the same issue; we are unsure as to where to start" L explained.

"I think we should set up a meeting" Near offered. "Bring in only the immediate case workers and set up some guidelines with the authorities"

"And you said you weren't sure where to start" I rolled my eyes at the pale, young man across from me, but I nodded in agreement. "It'll do; Once we have the guidelines in place we'll have a better idea of where we can go with the case" L nodded in approval. "Near, you gonna' set that up?" The young man, who was really more in his late-teens, seemed startled and began swirling his hair, as per habit.

"Mello has sufficient social skills to do it himself" I sighed. How like him to turn it around, making it sound like _I'm _the bad guy.

"Fine; I'll arrange it as soon as possible"


	3. Chapter 3

**Mello.**

I opened the front door and walked into the apartment, shutting the door with a bang of my hip. It had been a long day and I'd dealt with some annoying people during the afternoon and evening, but it was nice to be able to finally relax.

The ride home in Matt's car was certainly comfortable and relaxing, so I was in a better mood after having dealt with annoying clients. And after ordering the delicious smelling Chinese, I was _definitely _in a better mood. Looking around to the living room, I noticed the absence of my boyfriend's form.

As he'd said he was having a lazy day, I expected the red head to be on the couch, coiled up with a cigarette in his mouth and possibly either the TV, the Playstation or the Xbox turned on with cables strewn on the floor. But there was no trace of any sorts in the apartment; the game consoles were still in their designated places, sitting happily and loved on their shelves. They weren't being used at any rate. The apartment itself smelt clean and fresh; I noted all the windows were open, not a hint of any cigarette-smell or anything.

"Matt?" I called, placing the bags of Chinese food on the kitchen counter and grimacing when I heard a 'meow' in response. Looking down, I saw the ginger cat on the floor, lapping up water from a bowl. "_You _are not Matt" I scoffed. "Where is the retard, anyway?"

"Your home!" Matt appeared from seemingly nowhere and grabbed my arm. "C'mon – I need you to save me"

"I brought food. Presuming you haven't eaten all day, I'm sure that classifies as 'saving you'" I gripped my boyfriend's arms and trapped him against the kitchen counter, intent on stopping the red heads incessant pulling. "Busy day. Need entertaining. Enlighten me"

"Yes, yes. All very good and well and stuff, but please just do this one thing" Matt's eyes were flitting from my face, to the bathroom, and back again. He was shaking slightly and it was setting me on edge. I felt the red head for a fever, but my hand was whacked away. "I'm not sick! Just – come on already"

Matt pushed his way out of my grasp and tugged my unwilling self to the bathroom, where he edged the door open with his toe.

"It's on the ceiling" Matt whispered, pointing upwards near the bathroom light. The first thing that hit me was the smell of bleach and cleaning fluids, then the sight of a freshly cleaned bathroom. I was about to comment on it when I saw the thing on the ceiling.

"Really?" I grumbled, heading back into the kitchen. Matt wailed to himself at being deserted, but apparently found it was impossible to follow.

"Mello come _back!_" He pleaded desperately. I moved around the cat in the kitchen and got a glass, taking a rogue piece of paper that was clipped to the fridge. "Mello – ah! Mello! It's moving!" Matt stage-whispered. "Mello!"

I stepped into the bathroom with the glass and the piece of paper, slowly edging myself onto the counter which the spider was slowly aiming for in direction. Reaching myself upwards, I caught the spider in the glass and slid the piece of paper under it to trap it. I then tipped the glass and placed it on the counter slowly before I jumped off it, picking the glass and paper back up again before turning to Matt, who was pinned against the doorframe in fear.

"Open the window, you Wuss" Matt fled to the bathroom window, thrusting it open before retreating back to the doorway as I released the spider.

"Shake the glass too" Matt said, eyeing my hands all the while as I shook the glass as he'd asked. "Thankyou"

"Im not sure whether to starve you of sex, or to punish you for being such a twat"

"It was huge!" Matt whined.

"You're so immature" I tease, shaking my head and heading back into the kitchen. Matt followed silently. "Would you get the cat out?" Matt picked up the ginger fur-ball and walked it to the kitchen window.

"Sorry, but it's our dinner time now. Have a good night" He let it flop itself out the window and down the fire escape before shutting the door with a sigh. Before he could turn around, I attacked him, pinning his arms behind his back with one hand and tickling his sides. "Stop! Stop! Ah, cramp! Mello!" The grip was loosened, but not released. I was in the mood for a bit of laughter and fun; today really had been boring and I'd somehow managed to arrange the meeting for tomorrow _night. _Which meant I'd be back late. The thought made me bored, and Matt provided much entertainment. He wiggled, sighing and shifting himself a little in my grasp. "The food's going cold" He tried to bargain.

"It's not my fault you don't eat during the day" I reasoned. "If you're hungry, I might make you beg for it – ah, there's an idea"

"Mello – you're hurting my arm" Matt whined. I flopped his arms to his side and released the red head, turning to the Chinese food and placing them on two plates before sticking them in the microwave to reheat. As soon as I'd set the timer, I was attacked from behind. Matt jumped onto my back, pinning my arms to my sides with his own legs and wrapping his arms around my chest.

"If this is an attack, it's a pathetic one" I grinned, letting the red head feel me up a little before wiggling my arms free easily. Matt's legs tightened around my waist as he kept up his position. "You're a heffalump" I teased, feeling slightly soft as Matt's head bore into my neck, his lips grazing my skin.

"You're still a puzzle" Matt murmured, slipping from my body and watching as I pulled the plate from the microwave and put the other one in.

"You're working tomorrow though, yeah?" I asked, double checking. I don't think he'd cope a whole day and evening on his own.

"Yes Mello, I'm not a complete ass" Matt rolled his eyes. I grinned and it was silent for a few moments. I wondered what he was thinking, but that far-away look in his eyes told me it was something I should probably distract him from.

I hooked my fingers through the belt hooks of Matt's jeans and yanked him closer. _Maybe he's having one of his insecure days._

"Seriously" I place a kiss on Matt's lips. "I really do love you"

"Yeah...I know" His face brightened. The microwave pinged on cue and I pulled out the plates carefully. Matt took the other plate from me as we headed to the other side of the kitchen, our 'dining area' to eat. Then, the doorbell rang. Matt set his plate down and went to answer it whilst I got the knives and forks and chopsticks from the kitchen.

I set them down on the table and slid into my chair, glancing up to see who'd come in the door. Matt was yattering away at the guest, so it must've been someone we were close to.

"Sit down, I'll grab another plate"

I smiled briefly as Kayla came in and sat next to me at the small square table. She was wearing her skinny jeans with a pair of heels. Her white, rock-band T-shirt was on top of a thin, fish-net, long-sleeved under-top, her dark long hair pulled into a high pony tail.

"Hey Mello" She greeted. "I didn't mean to intrude, but you know Matt" I nodded, still smiling.

"It's fine, it's been a while!" The red head brought over another place and placed it in front of Kayla. He then tipped half the contents of his own dinner onto her plate, all the while yabbering on about how was she doing at school and how were her grades and such. To avoid Matt putting the _whole _of his dinner onto her plate, I tipped on some of mine, to which Kayla began protesting.

I assured her it was ok and continued to slurp up my noodles as she started on hers, enjoying Matt's happy face as he caught up to date with Kayla's adventures. As long as I had known Matt, Matt had always known Kayla. So somehow, we made a bit of an odd-ball family, though, Kayla did have a place of her own and only ever came to visit more than stay over.

We talked over dinner about my work, about Matt not working Sundays and being a bum, but it was ok because he was working tomorrow to make up for it. Kayla told us about her good grades and the few friends she'd made at school, but she admitted that she still had more guy-friends than girl-friends. After dinner, she got a phone call from her friend and had to go, but she was polite, as usual, and thanked us for sharing our dinner with her. Matt told her to be careful, as he always did, before she left for the night, and I gave her a hug and reminded her to keep her things out of sight. She was still only young, just seventeen, and was an easy target late at night.


	4. Chapter 4

**Mello.**

"You didn't have to scare her. I'm sure she walks home on eggshells when you say things like that" Matt whacked my arm in annoyance and huffed back towards the sink.

"I tell you the same thing" I reasoned, following Matt over and taking up a tea towel to dry the plates as Matt began to wash them.

"Yeah but I'm older than her" Matt sighed.

"You could still get jumped, Weakling" I chuckled and waited for Matt's response. "No comeback?"

"Do I annoy you?" Matt asked, waiting for me to finish putting the dry plate away before handing me another.

"Yes. When you don't eat enough, when you're late without telling me, when you leave the apartment in a tip – which, by the way, I _did _notice you cleaned, so thank you-"

"No" Matt interrupted, his fingers wiggling in the wash bowl. He seemed distracted. "I just…"

"Is this another '_I'm me and you're you' _thing?" I asked, putting the dry plate aside and moving to hug the red head. "You need to stop being so insecure. I _do _love you" I felt Matt shiver under my touch. "I love the fact that you're messy, but you can still find your stuff – and mine" He placed a kiss on the red heads neck. "And I love that you're a geek – it's a turn on"

"Mel" Matt whispered, his face blushing violently.

"It is!" I insisted. "And the fact that you cleaned the whole apartment, though I've yet to find out why..." I hinted.

"You like it clean" He said with a shrug. "I'm not just another hassle?" Matt questioned, shifting slightly in my arms. I wondered where all this was coming from. "Because sometimes, I feel like I'm waiting for you to get bored of me or something"

"Ok" I stopped him in his tracks. "Does this happen when I leave you alone for long periods of time?" Matt shook his head, but then shrugged. "What are you thinking; right now, spill"

"That you're amazing. You're beautiful and you work hard. And I'm scared"

"Scared?" I hugged him closer, wrapping him in my warmth. "Why?"

"Sometimes I wonder if you'll wake up one morning and realise I'm not good enough"

"Matt" I kissed his head.

"Seriously" He pressed, before I could begin my counter argument. "It has been four years, I wouldn't blame you if you got bored"

"I'll never get bored of you, and I'll tell you as many times as you need to hear it, that I _love _you"

"I cleaned the place because you like it clean. I also went the day without smoking because I know you hate that. I reorganized the wardrobe too – everything's folded and neat" He paused, then added "I'm not OCD; I just thought it'd impress you"

"Oh it does" I nodded eagerly. "You make a great housewife" His eyebrows shot up. "I'm going to keep you around for a while" Matt smiled to himself and snuggled closer in my arms. "Actually, I'll keep you around for a long while – like..._years" _

"I hope so" Matt whispered.

"But Matt, you don't have to go on a cleaning spree and starve yourself of smokes just to make me want to stay with you; I'm me, remember?" His eyes twinkled as he nodded and I pecked his cheek. "If I didn't like your little traits, I wouldn't have even befriended you, never mind allowed you to live with me for the past three years; are we clear?"

"Yup!" Matt perked, turning back to the dishwater and resuming his washing up.

"Besides, you're far too entertaining and spontaneous to get rid of. You provide my days with entertainment, sex and many more delicious things – things that I'd only want from you" I picked up the tea towel and began drying the plate. "Trust me, Matt. There is noooooo way you're getting out of this relationship by my doing. If you want to call it off, then fine. Four years down the drain – hey, my heart might break and I might get a little angsty, but at least you'll be happy and that's all I want" I smiled and snuck another kiss to his lips, a little more intense than before. He jolted a little in surprise.

"I'm happy now" Matt said softly.

"Good" I said, grabbing the gamers hands. "Then forget the dishes; I'm going to give you an inarguable reason as to why we're together. And it's not just the sex" I tugged Matt towards the front door, despite the red heads hands being wet with dishwater and neither of us having changed. Me, still in my work suit and Matt still in his lazy-clothes.

"But the sex helps" Matt frowned, glancing back longingly at the bedroom.

"Yes. Yes it does. But I have something better"

0

The 'something better' was a long drive around with both of us taking turns to suggest a random direction. It was a mimic of what our first date was like; I was driving but had inadvertently gotten lost and couldn't find the movie theatre we were planning on going to.

We'd missed the film, realized as much, and ended up driving around saying 'left' or 'right' as we got to know each-other better. Redoing the drive like that made Matt feel much more relaxed and we'd even got to know a few new things. Like Matt never knew that I only ever wrote in black ink; blue was a pain when photocopying. And I never knew that Matt hacked things when he was younger, simply because he was _bored. _He made a little joke about not reporting him and I laughed. I think I could let that one pass.

It was after midnight when we both reached the apartment and ended up going to bed; I had to be up at seven the next morning, and Matt at eight, so we reluctantly set our alarms, had a quick but necessary shower together before settling into bed, wrapped up in each others arms as usual.

When Matt's alarm went off, Mello had already gone. There was a nice note next to the fridge that told him to have a good day, and the only set of keys left being the car-keys, Matt would assume Mello took the bike; this was confirmed when he noticed the bike helmet had disappeared from it's home on the shelf by the door. He sent the blonde a quick text to remind him to drive safely; it was getting colder and it was supposed to rain that evening.

**MELLO.**

I rolled into the parking lot of the apartment complex and headed home to my usual parking space. There was normally only one space allowed per 'apartment', but seeing as my bike was sleek enough, it shared the space with Matt's car so our neighbour could have two parking spaces. Once I'd rolled it into place in front of Matt's car, (Matt had to reverse out anyway), I took off my helmet and shook the rain from the ends of my hair. I was a little cold if I was honest, but an evening in with my man would change that instantly. The meeting went on a little later than planned, but it had gone well, which was a good thing as we could progress with our case. Much happier, I took the lift up to our floor, helmet under arm, and almost skipped down the corridor to our apartment. It was strange thinking that four years ago, it was always 'Matt's apartment', or 'Matt's place'. It was now _ours. _And it felt good.

"Matt! I'm back!" The smell of spaghetti bolognaise hit me as soon as I opened the front door. I shut it behind me, placed my helmet on the shelf by the door along with my Macbook and shrugged off my jacket.

I hung it on the peg and called out for Matt again, who wasn't in the kitchen. I was horrified to see the Spag-Bol still simmering away unattended. Next to it were a few drops of blood and a smear stain; my heart skipped. "Matt?"

"One sec! M'in the bathroom" Matt called. "Turn the Spag-Bol off for me n' set it out" I pushed away my concern and turned off the gas, putting the spaghetti bolognaise on the plates that Matt had already laid out. I then put the plates on the small excuse for a dining table at the other end of the kitchen, turning to see the ginger cat pathetically waiting outside in the rain.

"Matt, the cat's back!" I called, opening the kitchen window nonetheless and allowing the smelly, wet cat inside. "Eugh, I might give you a bath – you can drink all the water you like" I filled up the bowl (which the cat had adopted) with water and put it on the floor.

The cat got the message this time and leapt from the counter to drink. The bolt on the bathroom lock slid back and Matt emerged from the bathroom, I heard him shuffle down the corridor and emerge in the kitchen doorway, holding a bloody towel to his nose. But it wasn't the only thing that was bloody. I stood rigid as I watched my boyfriend steadily make his way over to me, an apologetic look shimmering in his eyes.

"You know how you always tell me to be careful?" I barely managed to make out Matt's words; His nose was quite clogged up. "I did; I was. Honest" He nodded carefully. "I got jumped in the car park, I'm sorry"

"Why are you apologizing?" I rushed forwards, taking the towel from the red head, who protested and made an attempt to take it back and failed. I proceeded to wet the towel and dab away the blood.

"It's still bleedin' Mel" I nodded.

"I can see – hold still" I rescued what I could of Matt's features, but his eye was slightly swollen, the bruises were too sensitive for ice packs, and the cuts still looked angry after he'd stopped the bleeding.

Apparently Matt had managed to clean himself up a little after the attack and got started on the food, worried that it'd be late for me, but the nose bleed started again and he'd felt lightheaded, so he went to the bathroom to fix himself up.

We'd forgotten about dinner and taken to eating yogurt on the sofa, flicking through the news of the day on the TV. The cat had left a while ago. I hadn't voiced my concern over anything for fear of annoying Matt, but Matt hadn't made any attempt to talk to me about it, which annoyed me. Eventually, my resolve broke. I flicked off the TV and shuffled around a bit so I could see my red head better.

"Please don't go all _'injury lawyers for you' _on me!" Matt burst, not giving me a chance to even suck in a breath. "I know you're a lawyer and all but the car park has CCTV – but their faces were covered so there isn't much. It was probably random anyway so please don't worry"

"Are you ok, though?" I asked after a few minutes. Matt nodded carefully.

"Feels like my head rattles when it moves though" He attempted a laugh.

"Did they get anything?" Matt shook his head at this.

"I don't really know what they were doing; Maybe it was just for fun" I cuddled Matt close and kissed his head. "It's a first, huh" Matt whispered.

"What is?" I asked.

"Well…this. In four years, the worst that's happened is we've both gotten sick and the other has to play nurse – not that I mind waiting on you – but an attack like this? I bet it don't happen to a lot of people" I said nothing, but kissed Matt's head again. "Does this mean I get special treatment?" Matt suddenly asked. "I'm gonna' need a lot of cheering up"

"I need you to write an account of what happened"

"Mello you aren't the police – and there's no point in getting the police involved. There's nothing to lead to any suspects so just leave it"

"Fine, but please do it for my benefit, ok?" Matt looked up at me dubiously. "Just in case anything else happens"

"It won't" Matt sighed.

"Matt" I warned, hugging the red head closer and being careful about the wounds. "Please"

"Fine – fine. I'll do it later. But only if you promise not to go all 'knight-in-shining-armour on me"

"I think I failed at that, don't you?" Matt must've heard the dejection in my voice and gave my hand a squeeze.

"I finish an hour before you do –there's no way you could've been here" Matt said slowly.

"Still…" I sighed. "I'm going to walk you to your car every time you leave"

"You start work an hour before me" Matt pointed out.

"I'll rearrange my times"

"Can you _do _that?" Matt asked, frowning.

"I'm Me. I can do what I like. Including walking you to and from your car, work, and anywhere else you want to go"

"We go most places together anyway" Matt said with a smile, kissing my hand. "But don't go opening doors for me or anything. Seriously Mel" I let out a laugh. "We know who really wears the pants in this relationship but I'd prefer it if you didn't let the whole world know" I chuckled to myself and allowed myself to sneak a kiss on Matt's unsuspecting lips. He grinned in response.


	5. Chapter 5

**A.N: I really should make some sort of updating schedule for this! I'm useless! - Thank you all for the comments and favs and follows and such :) It's lovely to know that my ramblings are appreciated . And i'll let you in on something - most of this fic was made up of me not knowing what to do with Matt or Mello - just knowing that i wanted to do_something _with them . Enjoy!**

**000000000000000000**

**MATT.**

Mello walked me to my car that morning, waiting until I was well out of sight before presumably making his own way to work on the bike; I knew he'd be late and I kept telling him to _move _already, but he wasn't rushing. I hoped he didn't get into trouble with his Boss at work, and that he'd get his schedule sorted out.

Work was only a ten minute drive away. I greeted the Boss, said hi to the ones that were working today and began to open the boxes in the back room, until I noticed another guy that I hadn't said hello to, or recognised. In the end, I ended up asking Jack, a part-timer, who he was.

"He's new; starts today, he's swapped shifts with Jenny – what happened to your face, mate?"

"But Jenny's my work-partner" I frowned. "Where'd she go?" I ignored the face question.

"She got shifted cause of her course at Uni; something about clashing timetables – does this hurt?" His hand reached for my face and I jumped back.

"Stay focussed!" I told him.

"But – damn, Mello won't have been happy about that" He looked impressed, then worried. "You ok, though?"

"Yes! I'm fine. Back on track – Jenny! Would've been nice of her to have mentioned it" I frowned and earned myself a humoured laugh and a pat on the back.

"She's probably got a lot on her plate, yeah?" I nodded carefully with a 'hm'. "Okay, so, new guy. He's a few years older, but he's been alright so far. Name's Harry, okay?"

"So I'll be working with him from now on?" Jack nodded in the affirmative. "Fine, whatever"

"Give him a chance" I nodded again. "Go on. Boss'll probably stop lending you them games if you're caught chatting again"

"True...thanks Jack" I walked away with a frown, but tried to greet Harry with the best smile I could manage. "Hi, I'm Matt" I held out my hand and attempted to be friendly. Strangers made me edgy, it was a wonder I snagged Mello!

"I'm Harry" He shook my hand firmly, like a businessman. "I'll be working with you from now on, I hope that's ok"

"Not like we have a choice, eh" I quipped, smiling the best I could; he released my hand and nodded with an awkward smile. I soon learned that Harry was useless. He knew the alphabet, but couldn't remember where each genre was. He was slow with the customers and couldn't find his way around the store very well and _ok, _it was his first day and all, but I really wanted to know _why _the Boss took him on, I mean really, a _child _would have been better than that!

After a week, I was sure Boss was going to fire his ass, but he didn't. He always made up some excuse, highlighting his good points and making him work where he was best suited – like the tills – but it didn't sit right with me.

I went home practically every night that week and complained to Mello about this or that which he'd done; Mello laughed it off, I don't think he realised how irritating the guy was. Friday had come around again, and it was only when I'd beaten Mello home – and he wasn't there to walk me to the door – that I felt quite abandoned. He'd kept up his chivalrous act all week and it seemed odd that it failed now; so, like a wuss, I ran the way back to the apartment and locked myself in. I pulled out my phone, having a surprise text from Mello made me grin.

_Sorry I'm not back yet. Please be safe, I'll be home soon. Things are hectic x_

I changed out of my work clothes and made some food, which ended up being a stir-fry. I was just serving it onto the plates when Mello opened the front door and shut it with a bang. His helmet thudded onto its shelf, his keys jingling into the dish on the side and his bags slumped against the wall.

"Food's up!" I called, taking the plates to the table and peering into the hallway. Mello was leant against the wall, looking tired and blank. "Babe?"

"Not now Matt" He mumbled, frowning, yanking up his Macbook bag and heading to the living room.

"But I actually made food-"

"Later" Mello shunned me out completely by slamming the door, which was hardly _ever _closed. I put the spare plate of stir fry, that _was _Mello's, into the microwave and picked mine up, taking it along with the knives and forks into the living room, well-balanced. I said nothing, but sat across from Mello so as not to invade his bubble.

I eventually put it down to stress; he'd been working so hard this week, even being called up in the middle of the night. I wanted to say something, but I didn't know what I _could _say. I set my plate down and went to get him some water from the kitchen and some headache pills from the bathroom cabinet.

I shuffled back into the living room and placed them on the coffee table that separated us. Eventually, well after I'd finished my food (I didn't want to make Mello mad, so I'd eaten it all), he shut his Macbook, set it aside and downed the water and pills.

"You'll need food to go with that" I grinned and stood up, walking towards the kitchen. Mello followed behind me, watching as I heated up his dinner. "Dare I ask how your day was?" I ventured.

"Stressful" He sighed and undid a few of his shirt buttons. "Yours?"

"Meh, Harry was ok today"

"Good" He smiled, but it quickly vanished. When I turned to look at him, he had a look on his face which I hadn't seen before.

"What..." I asked. His smile came back for a few seconds as he mumbles a '_nothing' _but the same, strange look appeared on his face seconds later. "Am I doing something? Or are you just concentrating _really _hard?" He looked bemused, accepting the plate that I'd pulled from the microwave and blowing on it slowly. "Actually, it's not your concentrating face because I _know _that one" I thought out loud.

"It's fine, Matt. Just...leave it be, yeah?" I nodded and left it alone whilst Mello ate his dinner. Mello stayed up most of that night working, which irritated me because I wanted to do something nice for him. I hadn't written my statement thing for him yet, and I wanted to do that.

When he finally went to sleep at three o'clock, I crept into the living room, started up the laptop and began typing my account. After I'd done that, I saved it into numerous places before printing it (with the living room door closed so Mel didn't wake up) and stapling it together and leaving it on the coffee table for him.

The next thing that occurred to me was his bike still hadn't been checked; it had been over a week. I left Mello a note, grabbed my tool box and snuck out into the car-park, beginning the work on his bike.

At nearly five o'clock, I heard footsteps over the small, portable radio I'd brought. I looked up, seeing Mello wrapped up snug and warm in a large jumper and leather gloves, walking over to me.

"You look guilty" He said with a smile, shaking his head softly. "What _are _you doing?"

"Your bike is 99.9% no longer rattling – I'm just oiling it for ya'" I told him, finishing the last bits before sitting back. "I cleaned it too"

"I noticed" Mello squatted next to me and kissed my head. "Thanks; I'm sorry I was grouchy before"

"It's alright" I wiped my hands free of any excess oil and began to pack up my things. Mello turned off the radio and picked it up from the floor.

"Kayla's upstairs"

"Ah, did she wake you?" I asked, flipping the last of my things into the toolbox.

"...Something like that" His tone made me curious, so I stopped what I was doing and looked up at him properly. "Well...she normally knocks" He added. I nodded.

"Well, yeah...sometimes she gets in on her own if she doesn't want to wake us up though" I explained.

"She doesn't have a key?" Mello asked. I laughed at this, but he didn't seem amused.

"She doesn't really _need _one" I defended. Kayla was good with unlocking locks.

"And this is ok with you?" He seemed defensive, that strange look back on his face. He wasn't angry, just...unconvinced. I shrugged in response. "How long has she been doing it?"

"Mel, it isn't a problem. Sometimes she just needs a home away from home" I picked up my tools, made sure the engine was off and handed the keys to Mello. We started the walk back to the apartment.

"I'd appreciate it if she didn't make me think the place was being burgled, that's all" Mello shoved his hands in his pockets, looking pale and tired.

"She-...you thought we were being burgled?"

"Forgive me if your little attack set me on edge – and I presume that you think sneaking down here at God knows what time is a great idea?" He huffed, looking annoyed now.

"I was trying to cheer you up; I printed out my account and put it on the table. Did you see?" Mello shook his head and said nothing. "Well I saved it on the laptop anyways" He opened the door to the stairwell for me and I stepped through. I spun to face him and gave him a quick hug, running up the first few steps until I was sure I was safe. He laughed quietly, jogged up a few himself before he caught my jacket and tugged me down carefully. He kissed my neck from behind and licked it.

"You do cheer me up" I grinned at this.

"Good!" We headed back up the stairs hand in hand, glancing at each other like we had done on our first date, when we weren't sure whether we _should _be looking. It made me blush like crazy.

Once we'd reached our room, Mello held the door open again and I told him to stop it, giving him a kiss to try and bribe him. He dipped in for more, but I pulled back. He attempted to grab me, but I dodged. Quietly, I sprung back; He locked the front door, keeping his eye on me as I backed down the corridor with a mischievous smile. Mello followed me, stripping off his jumper and his gloves; he wouldn't catch me up.

I stepped into the bedroom, briefly wondering where Kayla was before flicking on the main light and finding my question answered. She was sat on the floor, her hands rooting through a box that should have been well hidden inside my wardrobe. My blood ran cold.

"What do you think you're doing?" I asked. She bolted away, frantically putting everything back in. "Stop, you're messing it up" I told her. "Just move away" She backed up, looking guilty, but my heartbeat wrecked through my ears too much to care.


	6. Chapter 6

**Mello.**

"What do you think you're doing?" Matt had paused on the threshold of the bedroom, looking rigid. I slipped off my shoes and quickly put them to the side. "Stop, you're messing it up" I glanced back at Matt; I'd never seen him this..._serious _before - and Lord, even his hands were fisting up. "Just move away" I moved over to Matt, glancing over his shoulder and seeing Kayla with a box of Matt's things near her feet.

"What are you doing?" I stepped closer out of curiosity, but Matt grabbed my arm to stop me. "So you _were _intruding for a reason?"

"N-no! I just- I lost something, I thought I might've left it here" She explained.

"At half five in the morning?" I asked in disbelief.

"In a box, that's quite well hidden out of sight, somewhere that you wouldn't have found unless you were looking?" Matt added, venom laced into his voice. I glanced at him warily, was he...were those..._tears?_ "Get out" He stood aside; Kayla took the hint, but tried to apologise the whole way to the door. I watched her as she left, but Matt had raced to his box and was already starting to put it all back, frowning and scanning _everything. _I turned to re-enter the room after locking Kayla out.

"Don't" Matt held up a hand, his other hand still working against the pieces of paper and photographs. "Just-..." He seemed lost, looking for something. His other hand joined the search for whatever it was, and Matt left his reasoning at 'just'. I hovered in the doorway, waiting for his 'ok'.

I'd never seen him like his before; it was unnerving. And I'd never seen that box before either, in all of my time living with him. Some part of me wondered if it was a keepsake or something, but I knew that it wasn't the right time to ask. One particular photo lingered in his grasp before he sighed with content and placed it randomly in the shuffle of images. He closed the box and looked up, almost warily.

He wasn't going to put it back until I'd left, I realised. So I left. I went into the living room to check for his account on the table like he'd said, but it wasn't there.

The thought that Kayla moved it in her search occupied me for a few more minutes, until I'd ended up in the kitchen in search of food and found the paper sitting in the bin (I'd found an orange and went to bin the peel - not a psycho-garbage-rooter). I pulled it out with caution but put it back with a second thought. I'd get Matt to reprint it. Speaking of the red head, he emerged from the bedroom and called my name, so I peeked into the corridor with a quiet '_is it safe?' _

"Hm" He muttered. "Was I an asshole?" He asked.

"Hm?!" I squeaked. "_God _no. If she was rooting through my thing's I'd have flipped at her. You are quite the calm-angered person" I figured easy-going was the best way to handle the situation. The last thing Matt needed was to feel suspicious of me, of all people.

"Hm..." He looked guilty again; "But it's not like her..." I flicked off the kitchen light and went to join him, giving him a quick squeeze before heading back into the bedroom. The box was gone. "Did-...did you see anything?" I shook my head. I'd seen a few photographs, but I didn't know who those people were and Matt never talked about his family; I wasn't going to pressure him into doing so when he clearly wasn't ready, all because of an accident. "Oh..."

"But if you need to talk, I'm always here" I kissed his lips and ran my hands through his hair. "Understand?" He gave me a nod.

"Im assuming she came in through the front door?" He murmured, pulling the bed sheets back. "You caught her?"

"I didn't think she'd go snooping" I scoffed. "She came in through the window in the kitchen I think – I didn't hear the front door at all" Matt nodded slowly. "You ok?"

"Hm" He flopped into bed and gazed at me so heartbreakingly that I soon followed. "You working tomorrow?"

"It's Saturday" I told him. "So...yes"

"Sunday?"

"I can get it off if you want to do something" I grinned.

"It's not the point" Matt sighed. "This case takes up all your time" He whispered. "I miss your normal routine, not this shitty off-at-any-moment one"

"I know" I ran a hand through his hair again and he smiled softly.

"Can't you get another one"

"Nope. I can't just abandon the people on the case, think if that – if it was you!"

"Work comes before me? Ouch, no sex for you" He rolled onto his stomach and faced away. I crawled on top of him. I didn't know what else to do, so we cuddled. "What's your case?" He asked.

"You _know _I can't tell you" I shook my head and snuggled him tighter.

"If you're going to disappear on me all the time I think I deserve to know why" He muttered.

"Are you going all _depressed _on me?" I realised, pulling away slightly in over-the-top-dramatically-funny-shock.

"Maybe; I might stop eating. In fact, I'm sure that will happen" He said, playing along.

"Matt-" I flick the bedside light on; there was something wrong with his tone of voice, something I wasn't sure about.

"I'd stop letting the cat in and I'd stop feeding it" He continued. "So it'd die and then I'd be even more depressed cause I killed the cat, and-"

"Stop" I covered his mouth with my hand. "It's a complex case, it isn't like a normal one"

"So it's not a divorce or something?" I shook my head. "If I guess right, will you tell me?" I gave him a wry smile.

"I'm sure you know my facial expressions well enough to know if you _were _right" He nodded and accepted the challenge.

"But you are a lawyer so you'll go all stoic on me; but I'll try" He sat up, the duvet wrapped around him. "Ok, so you're a criminal lawyer, yeah?" I nodded. "Well it's definitely not a divorce" He rethought his ideas, his eyes working mine.

"You won't guess"

"Imma' try" He said softly. "Murder?" I shook my head. "Assault? Shoplifting? Rape? – All no? Jeez" He frowned and I tried not to smile. "Some insane person?"

"Nope"

"I got it" I grinned as his eyes lit up. "A tiger was freed and went on a killing rampage" I laughed at that one.

"Nope; go to sleep"

"Wake me when you go?" He asked quietly, flopping down next to me lacing his fingers in mine. "I have a few things to do anyway" I squeezed his hand and nodded; but I hated waking him in the morning, I always felt so guilty.

000

When it came to waking Matt, I had to psych myself up for it. I rubbed his arm gently and call his name as he began to stir, but I _hated _waking him up because he very rarely had a full nights sleep, so when he did, I didn't want to wake him. He mumbled his thanks and I go to get washed and dressed. When I went back to the bedroom, the bed was made and Matt's pajamas were piled at the end of it. I followed the noise into the kitchen and saw him lay the bowl down for the cat and open the window for when he came.

"So what are you gonna' do today?" Matt shrugged in response to my question.

"I'm working this afternoon though – one till four" He told me. "I presume you're working late again?"

"I'm not sure; I'll ring you" I gave him an apologetic kiss as he put some bread in the toaster and flicked the kettle on. "Are you alright?"

"I'm ok" He said unconvincingly. "I'm gonna' talk to Kayla today" That surprised me.

"Really? Isn't it a bit too soon?"

"There's no point in waiting, it'd just make things awkward" I saw his point. "I don't want things to go bad, and I keep thinking that there has to be a reasonable explanation and it's driving me mad not knowing"

"Fair enough" He handed me a coffee and left his own on the side. I blew on the liquid before glancing up at him. He looked so damned confused. "Call me if you need anything, ok?"

"Sure" He gave me a wry smile and jumped, startled, as the toaster popped up. "Butter?"

"Yes please" He made it to perfection and set it in front of me. To my surprise, he had his own slice on his own plate and was already chomping his way through it. "Nice?" Matt nodded in response with a cheeky smile, and I couldn't help but smile right back at him


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Two in one day! As an apology for my sporadic updating schedule xD**

**Mello.**

The day passed quite quickly considering we didn't feel like we were getting anywhere with the case. Matt was there when I got home and we engaged in a fun-filled evening that consisted of baking cakes, having soup for tea and watching half of a horror movie before finding something _much _more action-filled to do. Like sex. At least four times. All before midnight, which was impressive and entertaining and so _damn _good that I slept like a baby the night. For some reason, Matt didn't. I didn't hear him leave, but I heard the front door squeak open followed by Matt's slurring voice telling someone to be quiet. I hauled on a hoodie and went to investigate, seeing Matt being held up by a very uncomfortable looking Kayla.

"I see you two have made friends" I eyed Kayla up suspiciously. She was dressed up in her nighttime attire, short skirt, heels, revealing top, curly hair, the sort that got her a room for the night. Matt made a funny noise and fell to the floor; unable to hold him up any longer, Kayla let him go, squeaking a little and trying to help him back up. I flicked on the corridor light to see better and bent down to Matt's level.

"He's drunk" Kayla informed me. "He couldn't sleep so we went out for the night – I don't think he had much"

"He doesn't eat a lot – he's a little lightweight" I ruffled Matt's hair. "Aren't you, baby?"

"Baby my ass!" Matt flopped onto my shoulder and hugged me closer.

"His drink might've been spiked" She added quietly. "He really didn't drink enough to get like this..."

"You smell good – did the fairies do it?"Matt murmured. I suppressed a laugh.

"Yes Matt, the fairies did it; Let's get you to bed" I lifted him a little and he groaned in protest. I caught a whiff of cologne or some kind of spray – it wasn't his. My stomach flipped. I hauled him up again-

"The floor's wobbling; I can't" He breathed, collapsing to his knees. "And the walls keep moving in and out and in and about – and why is there a cat in our house?" I turned to look behind me, half expecting to see the ginger cat (as it is the only cat we know), but there wasn't one.

"I think you've had too much to drink Matt...come on"

"Just a few drinks" He insisted. "Just a few, Mel"

"Fine, alright" I helped him up and Kayla got the other side of him; She wanted something to do, apparently. Or maybe it was her way of feeling like she was making up for what she'd done. "Anything else you'd like to add-" Matt went dead-limp in our grasp and his knees gave way.

I lifted him up and carried him bridal-style back to the bedroom. He wriggled out of my grasp and onto the bed. Immediately, he began stripping his shirt off then slipping off his socks albeit with a little difficulty. I knelt at the end of the bed, watching.

"Is this supposed to be a turn on?" I asked with a grin. He let a muffled groan escape his lips; he looked like a frustrated kid who hadn't learned how to properly put on his socks.

"I'm having a little trouble with – ah, this" He started on his jeans and flopped backwards onto the bed from his sat-upright position and arching his back rather sexily. "Uh!" He groaned. If he wasn't drunk, it might've been a turn on. Actually, the burning sensation in my groin told me it was still a turn on, drunk or not. "Mel...iloveyou" He blurted. "I do, I really do – you have to believe me"

"I do Matt, I do" He was still trying to get his jeans off, so I helped him a little.

"I wanna' marry you one day" I grinned at this.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah – but none of this ... this cross-dressing business; you wear a suit"

"Ok" I chuckled, flinging his jeans elsewhere.

"I don't mind if you rape me, y'know"

"What?" I splutter, laughing to myself and pulling away before he got any ideas.

"Tech-n-technically it's not rape; I'd never say no you – to you, not to you Mel" He rolled himself around and shuffled over to me like a caterpillar. "I want yoy" He frowned. "You" He corrected. "Youuuu" He drew out. "In me"

"Not whilst you're drunk"

"It could be fun" He walked his fingers up my thigh.

"Not happening"

"Ugh!" He groaned again, stumbling off the bed and reaching for his phone. "What'da'I hafta' do to get you to—ah" His foot caught something and he stubbed his toe on the dresser. "Fucking ow" He mumbled, dialling digits on the phone. I made a dive for it.

"What are you doing?" He dove away from me, tripping over his feet and slamming his shoulder into the doorframe as he stumbled into the bathroom. "Don't lock the door, Matt!" I grabbed the door handle just as he was about to shut it; I wedged my foot in place so he couldn't shut it, but damn it hurt. "Matt!"

My little shout caused Kayla to emerge from the kitchen looking surprised.

"I'm callin' Kayla" I heard Matt mumble.

"Why?" I asked, trying to delay him. He didn't need to know she was in the kitchen, I was slightly more bothered at the fact he'd already forgotten.

"Kayla's not under C ...Mel, I think I deleted her" I laughed quietly. "Imma' tell her I wanna—that you can take 'vantage of me n' tha' its' ok..."

"Matt I'm sure she doesn't want to know that" Kayla chuckled behind me.

"But if she knows then ... then..." He went quiet, muttered an impressed 'aha!' and then 'done', to my worry.

"You think if people know you want it, then it can't be rape?" I tried to keep him talking as a distraction. Kayla's phone beeped behind me and she tried to muffle it against her top. She quickly went back into the kitchen, laughing to herself.

"Yes!" There was a crash and the door went loose. Matt had shifted. I opened the door and found him sprawled on the floor. "Mello!"

"Come on, hot-head" I scooped him up and took him back to the bedroom.

0

"Alcohol isn't enough in small doses to cause hallucinations" I told Kayla. We were in the kitchen and I had already started up the kettle and was waiting on a cup of coffee. She'd shown me Matt's drunken text, which made no sense, but we got sidetracked onto the funny things Matt had said to have seen at the party, like dinosaurs. Some of the more worrying things made it perfectly clear to me that they were hallucinations.

"Were there drugs at this party?" She looked nervous before nodding guiltily. But I'd already suspected as much.

"It's a city – it was a huge party-"

"You didn't need to get Matt involved in it" I protested quietly.

"I didn't!" She protested. "He went off dancing with some guy and I lost track of him; next thing I know he's—" She stopped and I turned to prepare the coffee's. My stomach was doing somersaults and I wasn't sure I wanted to know. "He was making out with this other guy and it got pretty heated" She said quietly. "It was the same one he went off with and was dancing with... he seemed to like Matt – the guy I mean – it's possible that he did it when we got separated. I don't know" She finished lamely. I poured the hot water and added the milk, stirring the coffee and handing one to her.

"How long did you leave him alone?"

"I didn't leave him on purpose" She frowned, cupping the warm cup with her hands. "We were separated for about half an hour, but he is technically an adult and he can take care of himself-" She said quietly, rambling. "I'm sorry Mello"

"At least you brought him back" I sat opposite her and sipped my own coffee, offering her a peaceful smile. "Thanks for that" She nodded, content, and began to blow on her coffee. "Can I ask you something?" She nodded carefully. "Why were you looking in that box?"

"Oh..." She looked down, suddenly appearing quite vulnerable. "I can't... it's...i'm sorry" I didn't push her for any more than that. I wasn't going to get anywhere if I lost my temper and that would've happened if I'd asked more questions that she wouldn't answer.

I told her she could have the sofa for the night, but she declined and said she should be off; I told her to be careful and she left. I washed up the two cups, turned the lights off and went back to bed with Matt. I took the hoodie off and curled up next to him, my arms around his waist. Before I slept, I couldn't help but tell him I love him; he didn't respond, but I wasn't sure if I expected him to.

I spent the next day at work. I went in early, leaving Matt a note by his bed along with a couple of head-ache pills and a glass of water, even a few spare batteries for his Nintendo if he needed them. I was sure he wasn't going to go to work that day, so I phoned the necessary people and told them not to expect him – and yes, I do have Matt's work-place's contact details in my phone, I'm not a psycho.

I spent the day shuffling through files that were relevant to the case, but nothing new was coming in. I got a text from Matt at about half twelve; '_Mornin'! Hope work is ok, sorry about last night; I don't remember much, maybe I drank too much! X' _and didn't reply. I wasn't sure what to say or do so I buried my head in my work. Though, it was hard when I kept on getting random texts from Matt, saying '_I guess another lazy day is in store; entertain me?' _and _'Staying in bed! Come home soon! ;)' _and _'Have you _read _todays paper?! Shocking!'. _He informed me of everything he did and I couldn't muster up the courage to text back.

I knew it'd start a conversation and I couldn't get stuck in one whilst I was working. I left my phone on silent in my cupboard and hoped nothing too serious happened. It dawned on me about two hours later that it's the first time in at least a year that I've purposefully ignored the red head. And no matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise, I knew it wasn't because of work.

"Mello?" There was a knock at my door and Light stepped in. He was slightly younger than L, but helped on various cases because of his links with the police force, if we needed them. "You didn't come down for lunch" He tossed me a sandwich followed by a bottle of water and an apple.

"Thanks" He closed the door behind him and looked at me curiously, leaning against the file cabinet by the door.

"Everything ok?" _I've been trying to convince myself that it is, but I'm not telling you that. _I nodded my head and he took it as an answer.

"Thanks for the food; I think this case it just winding me up, that's all"

"Still no links?"

"Nope" I opened the water and took a sip. "It feels like I'm going around in circles, in very_ small_ circles, actually"

"L's on the verge of getting a P.I in or something, to start digging a little more..._intimately" _

"Like a hacker or something?" I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "It's not L's usual tactic" Light shrugged and pushed off the cabinets, folding his arms over his chest.

"But it's a funny case, don't you think?" I nodded in agreement. "I best get back; Near's hanging around somewhere – I'm sure he wanted me to go over some things"

Light left and I began eating my sandwich, unaware as to how hungry I actually was. After I'd finished my apple, I took my phone out from the cupboard and saw that I had two missed called and three new messages. The missed calls were from Matt; so were the texts. '_Is it possible to burn soup?' _I wondered how he could cook some dinners like a chef, but still couldn't manage tinned foods. _'I'm assuming you didn't take the car to work with you today?...And I didn't see anything about the bike being in service' _I frowned at that one. I drove the bike to work this morning; the car was in the parking lot when I left it. I read his last text. '_Mells, don't be mad – the car's gone. And I don't mean—imma' ring you instead' _.

I wasn't sure what to do. The car being '_gone' _could be anything; bad thoughts of Matt having had a car accident suddenly rushed through my mind and I felt guilty for keeping the phone on silent. He could've died! Then the phone started ringing again in my hand. It was Matt.

"Hey" I flipped it to my ear and got comfy in my chair. "Sorry - phone was on silent – are you ok?"

"_I got as much and yeah, I'm fine" _Matt huffed. _"Did you get my texts?"_

"Yeah" I nodded, too. "But...I took the bike to work – just so you know"

"_Well I know that – the bike keys are gone, the car keys are still here" _I heard a jingle as if he was proving his point. _"But the car isn't in the car-park"_

"What do you mean?" I frowned. "You didn't park it somewhere else did you?"

"_Mel, there's allocated spaces for a reason"_ I imagined him rolling his eyes. _"And you were with me last time we went out in it"_

"True...Did you check the security guy? He'd have tapes"

"_Mmm...i guess...how are you so calm about this?"_ He added.

"Me? You're not exactly running around like the headless chicken I thought you'd be"

"_I'm in shock"_ He tried, laughing quietly. _"Mel, I'm not sure what to do..."_

"Apparently not" I rolled my eyes and he sighed. "Look. Check the security guy, see if he's got anything. If he has, take it to the police. If there isn't anything then...I don't know, I'll sort it when I get back" I rubbed my head, feeling the strain behind my eyes which usually meant an oncoming headache.

"_When will that be?"_ He whispered.

"I dunno' Matt; I'm buried behind papers, so...it'll probably be a late night"

"_I can come and keep you company?"_ As much as I liked the sound of that, I knew it was impossible.

"No...it's ok. Thanks – Matt, I have to go-"

"_Mel, are you mad at me?"_ He rushed. _"Cause I _know _I shouldn't have gone out last night but_-"

"Matt" I stopped him. "Can we do this when I get home?" I half expected him to put up a fight, or even whine and tell me that I'm being mean but ok, he will wait.

I didn't expect him just to put the phone down.

I sent him a quick text to tell him I was sorry and continued to plough through the papers in front of me, my stomach sinking with guilt.


	8. Chapter 8

**Mello.**

It was about half one in the morning before I got back to the apartment. I parked the bike in its usual parking space and felt the absence of the car; I missed manoeuvring the bike around it already. I took my things and headed up the stairs, unlocking the door as quietly as possible and putting my things in the corridor; the light was still on.

"Mel?" There was a scramble and Matt appeared in his pajamas from the living room. "Mello" He rushed at me, whipping his arms around my neck as his lips went to attack my neck. I almost stumbled, but wound my arms around his waist nonetheless. He was shivering and it made me instantly nervous. "The security guy had tapes so I sent the police off with them to-" He stopped, pecked my lips and brushed off my jacket. "Nevermind; come on, the heaters on in the living room" He tugged me to the room, lowered me onto the sofa and curled up next to me. "We can go to the bedroom if you just wanna' sleep?"

"I'm good here with you for a bit" I murmured, my hand flicking through his hair. "So you'll have to get the bus to work from now on" He nodded and went still by my side. "I missed you" I breathed, his arms tightening around my waist. "And I'm sorry work is taking a priority right now"

"It pays the bills" Matt reasoned. "And as stressful as it is, you love your job" I smiled and whispered a 'yeah', feeling his hands as they crept back around my waist and untucked my shirt; he started undoing the buttons. "Not tonight"

"It's ok" He assured me, kissing his way back up my bare chest before landing in the crook of my neck. "Is there anything I can do?"

"You're doing a pretty good job right there, Matty" I teased, the tiredness beginning to pull at my eyes.

"I meant with the case; I can organise files for you, or colour code things – I'm good with a computer, and I have nothing better to do" He kissed my lips, his tongue poking in for seconds. "I wanna' help"

"It's all confidential Matt" Neither of us say much more for a while, but the more I think about it, maybe we could use Matt's help. "I'll ask my Boss tomorrow, ok?" Matt nodded silently.

"Bed?" He asked. I agreed and we flicked off the heater, shut off the lights and walked blindly to the bedroom, snuggling up under the covers. "Love you" Matt yawned, his body curling into mine slightly as he slid a hand over my waist. For some reason, whether it was tiredness due to work or the suspicions of matt's possible betrayal, I couldn't, and didn't, say it back.

0

"L, can I corner you for a sec?" L stopped his shuffling half way up the stairwell and nodded. "You know Matt's background, it's clean" L nodded in agreement. "He wants to help; He knows his way around a computer and I was thinking he might be able to help find our guy"

"You'd be willing to bring in an outsider?" I nodded. "It'd be on your file if anything goes awry, you'd be responsible for anything and everything he does. Mello, are you sure this won't get too ...personal..."

"He wants to help" I told him. "He's bored and to be honest, I'd rather have Matt do it that some snobby ass in a suit thinking he knows everything, who I wouldn't trust, to come in half way through a case just to search"

"You'd have to get him to sign all the confidentiality forms" I produced them from my folder.

"Got them – he can sign them when I get home"

"And he'd have to back up all of his sources legally. I don't wish to know if he uses illegal methods to get the information, but such information will not stand up in court unless valid, legal sources are produced"

"I know, he'll know – I'll tell him" L looked slightly suspicious, but then again, it wasn't every day that this happened. I was lucky that I was on L's good-list.

"As long as you're prepared for any consequences...I see no reason why not"

"Thanks!" I handed him a tub of sweets in gratitude and paced back to my office, putting the papers in the bag that usually came home with me. I rang Matt and told him the name of the guy we needed for the case to continue and he said he'd get right on it; he was working that afternoon but he'd make a start.

It was another two days before I saw Matt. I realised that as the case progressed the work would become more demanding, some cases were like that. I went home, grabbed some things, had a quick shower and went back to work; Matt was still working at the game store, so he missed me and we didn't see each other for a whole day and night afterwards. I left him a note, a text and a message on the answering machine so he didn't miss me too much. He called a few times, but I only picked up once and that was only because I had half an hour to spare. He hadn't found anything on the guy we were looking for yet, but his car had been found in a ditch somewhere, burned out. Needless to say it was a right-off. Matt admitted he was pretty pissed off about that because he'd spent a year building it up properly. I reassured him that it'd give him something else to work on and he seemed happy with that.

When I managed to get home a couple of days later, Matt had a pile of papers waiting for me; The ginger cat was in the kitchen again and I was faintly aware of the smell of cigarette smoke. _I guess he really did get bored. _

"So you don't need my company after all" I grinned, stopping in the doorway of the kitchen and spotting Matt sat on the kitchen floor, cigarette dangling from his lips as he petted the cat next to him.

"There's a pile of papers on the side; you weren't specific about what bit you wanted me to go into so I got it all from news clippings, CCTV footage and claims and stuff" He snuffed out the cigarette in the ashtray placed next to him and wiped his hands on his jeans. I knelt to his level.

"Thankyou" I kissed his head affectionately but he pulled back. The cat meowed and went back to drinking the water.

"You were gone three days" He announced.

"I know, I'm sorry" I reached for his hand but he snatched it away in protest and leant against the kitchen cupboards. I sat down properly, showing him I was prepared to listen and talk. "It's just this case, it's ... tricky"

"I know; I just hate it" He said honestly, giving me a one shoulder shrug. "And this guy you're looking for? He's not exactly an ordinary guy, he's a criminal Mel. What's he doing mixed up in a law case?"

"Something criminal. It's Confidential" I reminded him.

"I signed the forms" He reminded me. "They're with the others"

"Those forms only allow you to know the information you get when you're looking; I can't give you any – didn't you read it?"

"Fuck you" He murmured. "I hate you working late, I hate this damn case and I'm _bored" _

"I know..." I crawled into his lap and kissed his nose. "I'm sorry"

"Whatever. Look, can we please go and do something fun? Because I've played Call of Duty five times in a row and I'm _dying _for some alone time with just _you _and _me_ and perhaps something _else _...please" He blurted, steadying himself up before reaching back down and picking up the cat. "If not, I'm going to go insane and start thinking you are the cat" I chuckled to myself, brought myself up using the kitchen counters and opened the kitchen window. Matt took the hint and said goodbye to the cat as it plodded happily down the fire escape. I gripped his hips from behind and pinched; he yelped.

"Something _fun _Mello!" He whined.

"No handcuffs on the bed this time?" I teased.

"You _know_ I don't like that, I've told you before" He murmured, trailing circles on my hands before grinding himself against me. "And don't talk about work; work related subjects are banished"

"Okay" We were silent in thought for a while. "Well it's too early to go out for a night out..." I started.

"And we know where that got me last time. Drunk-assed with a headache and some bruises" Matt sighed, his grinding eventually residing to swaying.

"Do you remember anything?" I asked, taking his open opportunity to enquire about details. I grinned at the memory. _'"I wanna' marry you one day"'. _

"I was with Kayla; we had a few drinks, but I only had one or two alcoholic ones; wasn't in the mood, y'see" I 'uh-huh'd him encouragingly, and he continued. "There was dancing involved...lots of dancing, maybe a little too much dancing... Kayla disappeared, more dancing – I had some coke – the drinking kind-, crisps and water ... thought maybe I'd drunk too much – but I guess I drank more than I intended to"

"Kayla thought your drink might've been spiked" I added; he panicked, whirling around to face me, eyes wide. "It's ok – she brought you back safe and sound" I fiddled with his hair, running my hands to the tips and then rubbing the soft locks between my thumb and finger briefly before repeating.

"But what happened in-between? Oh God, what if I did something stupid?" He panicked.

"I'm sure Kayla would've stopped you" I tried. He shook his head though, unconvinced.

"We got separated; one minute she was there and then she wasn't. She wasn't with me for most of the night, actually"

"Really? She tells it differently"

"...How?" Matt ventured, tugging my shirt impatiently. "Mel, if I did something, I wanna' know" He pleaded.

"She says you were only separated for half an hour, and then went off with another guy and '_things got pretty heated' _...that's what she said" Matt looked horrified at first, but then confused. He began shaking his head.

"Mel I'm sure I'd know if-...how long have _you_ known? Since that night?" I nodded, feeling slightly guilty. "And you didn't think to bring your suspicions to the table sooner? – if I were you, I would have"

"I guess I got wrapped up in work" He flinched as I mentioned it. "Sorry - I was probably waiting for you to crack or something, I assumed you'd be feeling guilty at some point and I'd just _know_"

"Mel; there wasn't another guy" He looked more serious than I'd ever seen him. "I know I saw imaginary cats, dinosaurs, flying balls of light and little things in my drink having a party –I think I may have mentioned something about you cross-dressing - but I would've known if I went off with someone else – I _know _I would've..." He frowned, pulling back a little. "You believe me, right?"

"I guess so" I whispered. He shook his head softly, unconvinced, whispering my name. "Matt – you were drunk, your drink was spiked. Kayla seemed ok; logic says she knows the truth"

"But you _know _me" He said, his eyes searching mine. "I know myself, Mello. I know myself well enough to know if I'd _cheated_ on the guy I'd been with for _four years_" He pushed past me, a disappointed look in his eyes. "You should know, if anything, _above everything, _that I've always been loyal to you" I flinched at that. "And it hurts that you'd trust her over me; but I guess being a lawyer you have to put all the evidence on the table and sort accordingly, right?" He added, bitterly.

"Matt it isn't that" I took his wrist to stop him leaving. It tensed up in my grasp and his fingers curled into a fist. I released it and he bolted away, slamming the bedroom door shut. He blared up the CD player, some of his old metal-hard-core music blasting through the speakers. I shut myself into the living room and went over the files he'd found; I'd talk to him when he'd calmed down.

After three hours, he showed no signs of doing so. The papers had been sorted and I'd written notes on the things I'd deemed important and stuck post-it notes in the others. I'd checked over Matt's confidentiality agreement too, checking it was all signed in the right places. I put everything in the file that I'd take to work tomorrow and ventured down the corridor to the bedroom. I opened the door cautiously, peering around. I suppressed a laugh as I spied Matt dancing on the bed, _my _Russian vodka bottle _almost empty _in his hands. Drunk, twice in the space of a week. The music was loud and something I actually recognised as Rammstein; but only because it was mostly in German and I knew the language, thinking about it, I was sure it was Du Hast, or something like that. He was facing away from the door so I had a pretty good view of his ass, swaying itself from side to side as his hands moved in tantalising waves, running over his side, up his neck and through his hair. The burning sensation dropped from my face to my groin and I bit my lip in anxiety. A half-drunk Matt was a funny one; a mostly drunk-on-vodka Matt who'd just had an argument, well that was something different. He became unpredictable.

"Fuck off, Mello" He warned, drunkenly.

Ideally, I'd have left him alone, but he was stumbling around on the bed and I knew I'd left the vodka bottle mostly full. Worried, I stepped further into the room with the aim of turning the volume down, but Matt spun to face me; the track stopped and flicked to another equally loud and dark song.

"I warned you" He said, taking the opportune gap in the track-change to threaten me again. The music started up and Matt bowed forwards, perfectly balanced considering he'd been wobbling before. His face was dark and daring as he said, "Be very careful"


	9. Chapter 9

**Mello.**

I reached out my hand and tried to get him off the bed, but he took my wrist like I had done with his before. Automatically I tugged it back to myself, but he toppled – ready to fall – so I loosened my grip completely so I could catch him.

He didn't fall. Instead, he grabbed my shoulders as he wobbled himself back to a semi-straightened position. He yanked me closer as the beat picked up from the new song; his height from the bed and mine from the floor meant his chest was at a very nice position in front of my face. He started dancing again and the heat coiled in a fire-like sensation in my stomach. _Not while he's drunk. That will solve nothing. _Contradicting my thought, it wasn't hard to retaliate.

I stepped up to the bed and Matt continued to drink the vodka, offering me none. He grinded himself against me to the point where I was sure a few more seconds would mean I'd be having a lonely shower – but he stopped, shifted himself a little as the music changed and took another swig of vodka.

He spun to face me, pulled me closer, and continued his grinding again as the music picked up. I couldn't help it – I felt like a limp fish next to him so the best I could do was to dance with him, touch him how he was touching me (as best he could with one free hand and a vodka bottle) – then mimic his flirty kisses as he latched onto my neck and sucked. I groaned, pulled him closer and embarrassingly asked for more – because Matt was always the one to beg. We collapsed downwards onto the bed and I straddled him, his knees coming up against my waist and wrapping around my back. I arched onto his drunken self, thoughts of how guilty I'd feel in the morning were a memory; I lowered myself closer and trailed kissed up his neck. His shirt went off, his jeans were removed, my hand reaching for the waistline of his pants when—

"Off!" He flung himself up, hands flailing, wobbling a little. One caught me on the jaw and I backed up the tiniest bit. "Get off" He put a hand solidly on my shoulder and nudged it back completely with a strength that I only ever felt when he was unpredictable-drunk, aka - hardly ever; I took the hint and moved away, but his eyes were glazed with drunkenness. The vodka had kicked in properly. He grumbled, shifting off the bed and wobbling into the bedside table. "Ugh"

"Matt" I tried. "Come back to bed"

"No" He protested harshly, turning and reaching for his shirt and jeans on the floor. "Shouldn't be doing this" He mumbled, almost falling over. My heart racing. _Oh God, what if he really did— _

"I have a god-damned lover of my own, right?" My heart stopped. His face was so serious. "And he's a fucking sex machine so – don't bother trying" He toppled over, his jeans on the wrong way around. He swore gruffly and steadied himself against the wall.

"Mello's g'na kick both our asses if he finds out y'see- so...Leave" I was too dumb founded to say or do anything. Slightly confused, I ventured forwards to try and coax him back to the bed.

"No" He whacked my hand away more violently. He'd more than likely misjudged his force, but his face was so incredibly focussed. "I love him. You need to go" He said precisely, waiting for me to move. "Go!" He encouraged, pointing a finger to the vague direction of the door.

I spluttered, holding back a laugh. "Matt—It's me" Obviously the red head was too intoxicated to recognise his own boyfriend. _Or am I just convincing myself?_

He pushed me out of my own bedroom nonetheless and I heard the door lock.

"It's for your own good" I heard. "Mello will kill you so you _have _to leave" I tried not to laugh, so, _so _hard.

Shaking my head, I went back into the living room and poured over some work. If that had happened whilst me, his own boyfriend, was ready to jump him – I couldn't help but think the same thing would've happened on his night out with Kayla. Reassured, I set up camp on the sofa the best I could and fell asleep under the watchful gaze of my macbook, half open, relating the news of the day.

0

**(Tense change: not sure why I did this .) Still Mello.**

Half seven sees my phone alarm go off for work and my nose is greeted by the smell of bacon. I edge up, another blanket having been draped over me, a steaming cup of coffee in front of me. I hear the meow in the kitchen and know that Matt is up. I take the coffee and shuffle blindly into the kitchen as I rub my eyes and yawn, sniffing in what was now more evidently smoked bacon and toast.

"Smells good" I compliment, shifting to the small seating area that was our dining room and cupping my coffee with my hands. "How's your head?"

"It's not that bad" Matt assures me, placing a freshly cooked bacon toastie in front of me, the ketchup bottle beside it. He slides into the chair opposite, his fingers lacing together, his thumbs fumbling over each other. "Mel…I know I-"

"It's ok – you-"

"Don't" He stops me. "Listen" His fingers start flexing. "I know I'm not much of a drinker – and I also know that this is the second time this week I've been drunk and I _know _I can hold most of my liquor" He pulls a funny face and I wonder what he's thinking. "I'm not having issues or anything" He blurts. "It's not like I'm suddenly rebelling and it isn't going to be a habit so if you're gonna' talk to me about how stupid I'm being then you don't have to because I already know" He sighs and glances at me, biting his lip. I pick up the ketchup, squirt some on the inside of my toastie and grin at him. I know he hates the waiting.

"You're a very confusing drunk" I tell him, taking a bite of my toastie.

"…You aren't going to tell me off?"

"We're not kids Matt, I won't tell you how much you can drink, when you can drink it or _what _you can and can't drink" I take another bite and give him a shrug. "You denied me sex last night, you didn't even know I was your boyfriend; which is ridiculous after four years – and what's worse, when you came back after your drink was spiked the other day, you were _fine _for me to take advantage of you" I quirk an eyebrow as his face goes red with embarrassment.

"Sorry, babe" I grin, apologetically. He grumbles lightly and his head softly thuds on the table. "If it makes you feel any better, you're dancing is a lot more sexy when you're drunk"

"Stop" He moans. "Please. I won't drink again, I promise"

"Give it a week" My foot finds his under the table and we play footsies until I've finished my breakfast. Matt lets the cat out, shuts the window and washes up; I dry. What starts out as a small splash-fight over the tap results in both our shirts being soaked, so we retreat back to the bedroom to change; I tell Matt I'm going for a shower and he joins me, telling me he'll make up for last night's denied sex.

It's always after showers that I notice Matt's wounds more. Not that he's covered in them, but the odd scars he has from mishaps or childhood injuries. He's got a circular one on his chest that usually stands out more when he's warm. He catches me staring at it again.

"It was a lifetime ago" He tells me, grinning. "Nothing to worry about" But I don't know how it got there. On his chest, over his heart, it looks like it could've been deep and almost fatal. I think it's just one of those things.

He's lived in the neighbourhood his whole life, that's probably why the car thing didn't phase him as much as I expected it to, or the incident in the car park. Crime wasn't exactly ignored, but it wasn't uncommon for things to spin out of control. Once we're changed and dressed, Matt comments on my attire.

"You're going back to work? But it's already half one"

"Just something I have to check up on" I tell him, running a hand through his damp hair and pulling him closer. "I'll be back for tea" I promise.

"You're working harder on this case" He observes. "I hope the person's grateful for taking you away from me" I give him a smile and kiss his lips. "You get stressed more often too"

"I'm not the one who got drunk twice in a week" I remind him.

"Can't you give it to someone else?" He tries, fingering the ends of my hair with his thumb and finger.

"It's not as easy as you'd think" I tell him softly. "It's a specific case and it calls for certain things and people. I'm just part of it" He looks sad, so I place another kiss on his lips, making it last a little longer. "Oh, did you get anything on the name I gave ya'?" He bites his lip and shakes his head.

"Nope" He whispers. "Seems like a dead end if you ask me" My phone starts ringing and I answer; it's L. There's been some new information on the case that could link up a few things. I tell him I'll be in soon and make for the front door, grabbing the bike keys and my work folder.

"Please be careful" Matt tells me, taking my hand in his. "I worry you work too hard"

"I'm a lawyer Matt, I know what's good and bad, right and wrong, and what I should be staying away from" He seems assured, but shrugs nonetheless. "Are you working today?" I take my bike jacket and sling it on.

"Only for a few hours. I have to put up with the new guy, Harry. He's a waste of space, doesn't know a thing about video games, I'm telling you" I grin at this.

"Hang in there. I'll see you for tea" He kisses my cheek and sees me out, locking the door behind me.


	10. Chapter 10

**Matt's POV**

"You put these in the back, under F shelf"

I hand Harry the box and point to the back room. He nods and does as I tell him to, but I watch him warily. He's ok if you tell him what he should be doing, but he doesn't know a thing about video games to help people to different genres, or types. He keeps getting Xbox and Xbox 360 mixed up, I mean how is that possible!

I take out my phone and send Mello a quick text out of boredom; he doesn't reply but I don't expect one anyways. Work goes slower than usual, and I keep catching Harry on his phone, so I remind him (like a hypocrite) we're not supposed to use them unless we're on our break.

He gives me a rebellious look but pockets his phone. He irks me even further when half way through the day he decides he has to leave, some sort of emergency, and disappears! He even asks if I'll be ok on my own, which is bloody ridiculous because I'll be more than fine without him than I am _with_ him. My shift finishes about an hour later, but it was the most satisfying hour I've had since the dork-head had arrived.

When I get home, the cat's on the fire escape waiting to be let in, so I let it in and give it some water before making myself a cuppa and firing up a cigarette. I know Mello will notice when he comes in after work, but I want one and his work habits are starting to annoy me again. It was like this before, he'd over work himself to the brink and I'd bring him down again. But Mello loves his work, so he always gets caught up in it.

But it begins to stress me out too and I find myself wondering how I'd gotten to this point. Mello is the stability I've never had. The security I'd not felt for a long while and the love that I'd forgotten that I could feel. And there's no way to tell him this without him thinking I'm going to leave him or drop dead or something. So I keep mulling it over in my head; one day I'll tell him.

The phone rings and I'm jolted out of my thoughts. The cat looks up expectantly and I find the phone under a wad of Mello's work papers. I pick it up.

"_Matt?"_ It's Mel.

"Hey" I hear the smile in my voice and feel like an idiot.

"_I got caught up in something, I'm sorry – I'm gonna be working late tonight…."_ A million thoughts flashed through my head. That he's overworking himself again. That work's becoming a priority. That he probably won't come home till the early hours of the morning and the bed will be cold.

The thought that maybe work was just a cover up was disturbing. I trust Mello, I do, so having thoughts about his faithfulness to me are usually nonexistent, but you have to be suspicious when it's all the time.

"So you won't be back for tea?" Is the only thing that comes out of my mouth. "OK" For some reason, I decide there's nothing more to talk about and hang up on him. The phone is tossed back onto the table and I lean against it with an apathy I hadn't felt for a while. _I need something to do._

I glance at the cat and decide to make it some food. After that, I debate calling Kayla and asking if she's doing anything, but knowing her, she'll probably be sleeping off last night's hangover. I think over my small list of friends, a few names coming to mind that I hadn't talked to in a while. Set on that, I pick up the phone and ring the number I hadn't yet forgotten.

Every now and then the phone beeps as another call tries to get through to me, but I ignore it. Talking to Roo again was slightly nostalgic if anything, but it certainly cheered me up. He told me what he'd been doing recently and where he and Neave had been visiting, it makes me smile and my mood is brighter.

We talk for at least an hour before I ask where he's staying now, and if he's local. He's about a fifteen minute drive away, I find out, and he asks if I'd like to come over sometime. I say yes, but we both know the day I do will be the day something isn't right.

We teeter around it and make vague plans, who'll make dinner and what we'll do, where we'll go with Neave. It's a good distraction, but it's only that – a distraction.

He tells me he's being forced to make fairy-pink cupcakes and has to go. I tell him he's a pushover and that he used to be a better man. He challenges me, that it isn't true and that if I saw Neave now, I'd know why. He tells me to forget the past, and that it's easier but he then apologises for it. I tell him not to. He's right. We say our goodbyes and hang up. I realise I didn't speak to Neave, but something in the back of my mind tells me it's better that way.

The cat has let itself out so I close the window to the fire escape and go into the living room. I set up my PS3 and play until it's dark and ridiculously late at night. The lack of another person in the apartment has me feeling cold, bored and lonely, so I'm slightly suspicious but eager when the phone rings again.

"_I thought you'd be in bed"_ There's no need for Mel to ask who it is because usually I'm the only one in the apartment. And no house guest would go to answer their host's phone.

"Nope, playing on the PS3" I tell him, glancing at the 'paused' screen. "You coming back yet?" His silence tells me all I need to know. I'm sure my silence tells him all he needs to know as well; I'm getting annoyed with him.

"_You hung up on me before"_

"There wasn't anything else to say. Why explain? It's not going to make either of us feel any better" I roll my eyes and lightly run my knuckles along the edge of the small phone table. "What's up, then?"

"_Hm?"_ He quips.

"Why did you call?" I clarify.

"_I…I need another favour"_ He says awkwardly.

"Research?"

"_I guess"_ He shuffles some papers around on the other end and sighs. "_We've hit a dead end"_

"What happened to the links?" I remember. "The ones that were supposed to help?"

"_They do help"_ He says. _"It's like having lots of little pieces of string. Then tying all the pieces together to make one big string, and then trying to find out what the string is capable of doing – only there's no context, so it isn't going very well"_

"Come home" I tell him. "You sound tired"

"_I've slept"_ He chuckles_. "I bet you haven't"_

"Meh" I roll my eyes. "So what do you want me to do?"

"_I'm emailing you the details and some of the main files. If you can't get much from them, then I'll bring the rest home with me and we can go over it together tomorrow"_

"Ok…I'll let you know if I get anything" We say goodbye and hang up and I head for the Playstation. I play it till saving point and then turn on the computer, heading for my emails and opening the attached files that belong to Mello's email.

As the documents open, one by one by one by one, my eyes widen, my chest clutches painfully and my blood runs cold through my quickly chilling body.

He's progressed a lot further than the last time I'd had a peek. He'd found the name that I didn't get for him – one of the links, I presume – and was really close to making the connections to the larger picture. He was so close…

I close the documents slowly. One by one, taking a few seconds to look over each of them. Some are scripts of interviews or recorded conversations, others are images of people in connection and some are just thoughts in diagrams.

The final page to close is a picture of a symbol I hadn't seen for nearly five years. It's the same symbol in many different places around the city, all photographs; a Gang-crest for sure, but it's only that because I know it is.

It has none of the typical attributes that associate with Tags or Crests, it doesn't have any type or outline, no box or circle to keep the insides intact. It's a squiggle to any other eyes, any normal people walking past who have normal, average lives. A random pattern or marking, that's all.

Mello or any of his friends or workers wouldn't know it. It's something linked with the lower half of society, my half, Mello's half see's nothing but that squiggle, and that explains the handwritten question mark on the scan of the image. He doesn't know.

But the tag itself is worrisome, if anything. The gang it belongs to has been disbanded for years now, mostly because they were all dead.

Daring to raise their symbol again to put the fear back on the streets is scaremongering. It's clearly not a random squiggle because the same squiggle appears in the photo's, the same ups and downs and the same proportions. If it was random, they'd be different.

Mello's notes suggest it could mean something, he's onto the fact that it might be a message or a code or something. He needs to figure this out for himself. I can't help him with this one.

I shut the computer down but find that my memory is still imprinting the images on the blank screen. I spend the next hour with my knuckles pressed against my eyes, trying to get rid of them.


	11. Chapter 11

**Mello**

I feel guilty after calling Matt.

I feel really, really bad. Like I'm using him. _That's because you are. _My conscience supplies. I bury the phone in my pocket and get back to work. It should make the time pass more quickly and I won't have to think too much about it. Sometime later, L knocks and enters my room and perches opposite me on the chairs.

"Has Matt got back to you with anything?" He enquires, taking a lolly from the side-jar on my desk.

"Not yet; sometimes it takes a little longer" I shrug a little and eye my empty cup on the side. I should probably refill that. I glance back at L, but he's looking at me quizzically. "What?" I venture.

"I trust you" He murmurs. "I trust my small, surrounding associates ninety-nine point nine percent – the other point percent being that you will never be me and therefore will always have some difference – but there are only a handful of people even within this building that I can trust"

"Is something wrong?" I ask carefully.

"Not yet. But I have to trust myself, and I've been thinking that our…_collaborative _efforts with Matt have left me unsettled" He looks saddened at the thought. "I'm unsure as to why, exactly, that is" He adds quietly. "Perhaps it's just the series of bad luck he's been receiving lately, but as you well know I don't very much believe in coincidence" I stay quiet, not too sure what to say. "The beating, the incident at the club, the car being stolen… Mello, you have to admit there's a pattern"

"I suppose I didn't see it that way" I murmur.

"Of course, it could just be a turn of events for Matt, I'm not sure. But the doubt is affecting my ability to trust him working with us" He looks at me for a small while and I remain quiet. I can tell there's more on his mind. Eventually, he starts talking again. "I hope that Matt's unlucky events don't affect your work, Mello, I really do" I frown at this.

"You know I keep work and home-life separate" I insist. He nods, his hair flopping a little as he does.

"I expect you to keep it that way" He offers a sad, but genuine smile. "With the way the case is progressing, I won't tell you not to work with Matt – he has been very beneficial..." He seems thoughtful and then adds "...and I hope he will continue to be so" He unfurls his legs and shuffles so he's comfy. "But for my benefit, could you be aware to tell him only what he needs to know? – of course, I am certainly not accusing you of doing such a thing-"

"It's ok" I stop him. "I trust you" I give him a small smile. "And of course, I'll respect your decision"

"Thank you" He steps off the chair and glances around my room. "I think you've worked hard enough for today" He says casually, a friendlier tone in his voice.

"I've just got a few more things to do – I'll be done soon" I assure him, waiting for him to leave before checking my emails. There's one from Matt.

_Hey Mells!_

_Couldn't get much from the docs you sent – maybe it'll get clearer soon._

_Sorry it's not better news – keep looking! (I will too, of course!)_

_Love yoouuuuuuu!_

_Matt_

_0-0-0_

**Matt's POV.**

Mello's home sooner than I thought he'd be. I've put all the files away and cleaned up the living room, so making a coffee was the next decision in my brain. Mello finds me in the kitchen, propping his bags by the door, setting his helmet on the shelf and wandering to the doorframe looking knackered.

I don't bother offering him a coffee; I make one and set it on the counter closest to him. He glances at it but doesn't move to pick it up.

"Everything ok?" I lean closer and run my hands over his arms, but he shies away with a frown and makes it clear he's not in the mood to be touched. Instead, he holds himself with his arms wrapped around his torso, an irritated look on his face.

"I was going to go over the research again" I try, hoping maybe some work-talk might get him to open up. "I might've missed something, and like you said, two minds are better than one anyway-"

"Stop" He mutters, shaking his head lightly. "Enough with work talk" He says it in his husky I'm-ready-for-sex voice, but his body language is screaming breaking-point. Indecisive, I retreat back to the kettle and take my cuppa in my hands. Mello looks pale; drained. He looks over at me, his eyes tearing me to shreds. He's looking for something, a reaction, maybe?

"Mel-"

"Can I trust you?" I remain silent purely because of the absurdity of the question. Did _years _of our relationship mean absolutely nothing to him? I feel my mouth fall open slightly. "L's worried" He ventures lightly, glancing to his boots. "You've been having a lot of…bad luck…" His eyes find mine again. "Might just be random, it is _here _after all" He muses, referring to my life-long home. "Or…" He contemplates. "Might be something…else"

"I'd be careful, Mello" I say quietly.

"Why?" He whispers, ghostly. "What reason should I have to be _careful, _when you should be the safest person, the safest _place _I've ever had?"

"It's sounding an awful lot like you're choosing L over me"

"You know that isn't—don't make this a drama. I don't want to lie to you" He flips, frowning. "You can't deny that there's been more coincidences than normal, especially within the past few months"

"That has _nothing _to do with your work" This was fast becoming an argument and my stomach churns at the thought. I can't deal with this again. It seems like it's all we've been doing.

"I'm a clutz. I live in a high-crime rate area. It's got no relation to your work. If you don't want me helping because L can't trust me – fine! Stop asking me to help, I won't be offended" I hold my hands up, my empty coffee cup hanging from my fingers. "But pick a side and stay there – because you bouncing back between me and L, us and work, here and there – It's tiring" Mello slams the cup on the surface with a harsh, throaty growl.

"We're not doing this again" He refuses.

"_You _started it!" I fire, childishly mind you. Mello stays silent.

I try to turn the argument around, setting my cup on the counter and trying to calm down a little. "You're great at your job. You don't need me, so do L a favour and stop asking me for help – you're brilliant on your own" Mello scoffs and starts to walk away.

"I'll try and stay out of trouble, if it gets L off your back" I say. He halts, rigid. I hear him sigh and take it that he's ready to listen. "I hardly have an abundance of friends anyway" I tell him, coming up behind him and hazarding some sort of affection. With a risk, I wrap my arms around Mello's waist, sniffing in his leathery, chocolately, outdoor-cold smell. He mumbles something I don't catch. I shift and pull him closer, his back against my chest. I raise my chin and rest it on his shoulder. "What was that?"

"I don't know that"

"Know what?" I venture, fiddling with the base of his coat, the zip.

"That you don't have an abundance of friends. Or maybe you do and you just hide them, I don't know"

"Why would you think that?" I ask.

"I have no idea what you were like for the majority of your life; you might've been popular in school" He pauses and I'm sure we both have the same '_of course not' _thought as each other. He continues.

"Sure, you did drugs every now and then, smoked, you still do – but what was stopping you from smoking something else? Sometime's I'm sure you smoke more than nicotine" I push away from him, more in shock than anything. He registers the lack of contact and turns to face me, his face hardens with emotion.

"And as for friends? You say you have no abundance of them, but how the hell do I know that? You could've done anything, been anyone. You could've been in a gang or something for all I know. The stuff that's been happening to you doesn't just _happen _to people Matt, even here. It's _not _a coincidence. It _looks _targetted" His fist hits the wall and I stare at it.

Mello has his outbursts, usually a doorframe, a coffee cup, coffee table – maybe a mirror, or a door or a skirting board or something. His fist plummets through the plaster and he pulls it back, bleeding. He spares me a glance, sets his jaw and walks out.

It's de-ja-vu. We fight, he walks out, he comes back, i'm drunk sometimes, we kiss, make up, leave it under the carpet for next time.

"No" I murmur. I follow him out at a stride, catching him down the stairs and pinning him against the rail. "No" I repeat softly. His face is anguished.

He doesn't know what to do. He's overworked and I'm not sure I know what to do with him. Well, I could think of a few things, but it won't solve the problem. Just numb it over a little. I swallow.

"I was a nerd with a small circle of friends, actually. In high school, I mean. Sure, I smoked weed and other stuff, but it was normal, it sort of went along with me" He wriggles, hands rising as he catches my arms with the aim of pushing me aside. "I don't do that any more" I assure him. "I haven't since I was seventeen, Mel. And my small group of friends was close, but we lost contact when they went to college and I didn't. I can't solve the 'coincidences' thing. But if you want me to be a house-wife and a recluse, then I will" his eyes finally find mine, his hands gripping my waist now, whether to pull me closer or shove me away I'm not sure. "For _you, _I will"

"I can't do this" My heart stops. "I can't…" Mello's breath brushes my hair as he pushes me away so _very _carefully.

We stare. Both of us wondering whether the other will leave first, or go upstairs to the apartment.

The silent competition. Who dares to first rip us apart? Because as soon as one foot is moved, everything we've built up will crumble. Mello will walk down the stairs. Away from me, from us, towards his case and L. Or he'll walk up, to the apartment, showing me where I stand. Unless he gets his things, which will at least leave me with a place to stay albeit so utterly alone.

I take his jaw-line in my hands. Neither of us has moved our feet. I'm too scared to say anything, to ruin it. Anything I say could set him off and he'll be gone. As long as each of us are silent, stood as we are, together like statues, everything will stay as it is. Mello's hands reach up to mine and trace my fingers with his own; he wraps them gently around my wrists and moves my hands away from his face.

_Don't leave. _I beg, silently. _Please. Mello, what are you doing?_

His eyes close, shutting me out of his thought process – whatever jumble that is at the moment. His hands release my wrists but they stay in mid-air, waiting to be reclaimed, for him to touch me again somewhere, _anywhere, _just to let me know he's still with me.

He releases a sigh and my heart skips. He steadies a hand on the rail. Up, or down?

Up, or down?

His eyes open, his pupils rapidly adjusting to the change as—

Warmth. Mello-taste.

He's kissing me, his hand hovering at my waist; usually he'd grasp it, tug me closer. I'm sure he doesn't want to start anything he isn't planning on finishing.

Regardless of the imminent ending of our relationship, I relish everything he's offering and return the kiss.

Absence follows. He whispers an unsure 'Matt' which I'm not sure what the _hell _that is – a recognition? An apology? A beginning to a speech? I don't know. Mello's gone before I can question it.

Down.

He's gone down.

**AN: As tragic as this is, I think this is one of my favourite chapters!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Mello. **

I burst into the office having walked all the way there. I thought the air would do me good, or at least that's what I told myself. I had no money for the bus, a cab or anything of the like.

The keys to my bike were with my helmet – placed on the shelf by the door. Really, I had no way to get to the office other than walk. I'd preoccupied myself with 'how to get to the office' in order to forget about what just happened, which even I couldn't explain. I couldn't think.

I can't think.

The door shuts behind me and I fall against it. All my work is still at the apartment. I'd saved a few things on the computer here so I might be able to—no. Most of it was on the Mac.

Slumped by the door of the apartment.

Where Matt was.

"Matt" His name chokes itself in my throat and I swallow back the temptation to cry. What the hell have I just done? _Fuck. _A knock on the door scares me; I jump, startled, and frown. The knock is a little more persistent this time, so I brave a response.

"What?" I call.

"It's me" _Greg. _The janitor. I unfurl myself and open the door. He's holding out a cup of warm liquid – smells like coffee. "Three sugars?" He guesses and I nod, taking the cup from him. "Memory serves me well" He says lightly. "Saw ya' rushin' through there" He points to the corridor behind him. "Thought you could do with one"

"Thanks" I manage.

"Things not going too well?" I give him a shrug.

"Everything's…mixed up"

"Between you and the mister?" I knock the door backwards and motion for him to come into my office, but he shakes his head and kicks the cleaning bucket lightly. "I need ta' clean ya' room and I'll only be getting' distracted if we end up chattin'" He chuckles.

He likes doing a proper job of things; talking and cleaning isn't a 'proper' job. So, instead, he sets the bucket against the wall of my office door and moves the sign to warn people. He then sits next to it, at a small angle from my door frame. I slide myself comfortably down it and settle on the floor, the door to my office slightly tapping my arm, almost closed.

"So what 'appened?"

I sit with Greg and talk through everything for an hour. He's nice about it, laughing at the funny bits, staying quiet when he knew I wasn't sure of a decision, being encouraging when he knew a hard one had been made – when I told him I left Matt on the stairs, he seemed to disapprove of that.

"It's a bit like leavin' a lady on the sidewalk if you know what I mean?" He offers. "Sorta' doesn't know where they stand, like"

"I didn't know what else to do" I all but wail. My head flops into my hands, my cup of coffee long forgotten in an empty cup on the floor. I grip my hair. "I can't do anything but think about how bad this is – but I was sure it was the right thing to do; it has to be"

"Why?" Greg asks carefully. "Why is it the right thing to do, when it's gonna' be causin' you both this much pain?"

"Because he's only going to get hurt. It's so much more complicated than he thinks and it'll just be more painful later on. I can't even see how we lasted this long...it's ... it's ridiculous. We argue over work so many times - he's restless, I'm absent it's-...it's...I don't _know_"

"So you leave him on his own to sort it out by 'imself?" Greg tuts and sighs. "You know him better than anyone. How do you think he'll cope with this?"

"He'll probably hole himself up, stay in – maybe Kayla will come and take him out or something" I mutter.

"And his eatin'?" Greg adds, curious. My stomach plummets. "I hafta' be honest here, Mello, I'm not sure you leavin' him like this is the best thing for 'im. 'Specially if things have been as bad as ya' say – with the case, I mean"

It takes just one look at Greg for me to see he's right. Our eyes meet, his being old and wise but knowledgeable, mine probably looking ready to break like a dam. I grip my hair again and pull my limbs closer.

"You need to go back n' fix it. If ya' don't wanna' be a couple, then it'll be sad like, but at least stay with him as a friend. Im sure you can do that" Greg pops a few joints and readies himself to stand. I unfurl myself again and watch him.

"He's a little slip of a whisp tha' red head o' yours" He sighs. "Not much of him left when he's not got you, if you get me" I frown at this.

"What do you mean?"

"I see him out an' about sometimes, talkin', sometimes smilin', but never like he does when he's got you by 'im" Greg smiles and takes his mop and bucket. "People used to say tha' about me n' the wife" He chuckles. "Never used to get it, you see, didn't quite understand 'ow she were any different" His eyes turn knowingly to the ring on his finger and he nods gently. "Now I see it in you n' your fella'…I think I see it"

"I'm glad" I say quietly. "It's nice that you're still together" Greg gives another, cheerful nod.

"But not without its troubles, mind you! We've had plenty o' those to last us a lifetime. You suffer through those, you make it through 'em, then you can really enjoy the good bits"

"I guess…"

"Cheer up, Spud" He says, wheeling the bucket to his side as he faces me dead on. "Now you go do somethin' that's not work. Cause I got your office to clean"

000

I barely make it out of the building when Light corners me. I hadn't quite figured out what to do – where to go and how I was going to sort it when my wallet was back home – so I was glad for the distraction.

"New lead. L's busy. Near's…otherwise occupied" I raise an eyebrow at this. "I know it's late, but you're here – so do you want to run over this with me?" He waves a folder in my direction and I take it as a sign.

I didn't know what to do or where to go and now I have leads to go over and it'll most likely be in Light's office – because he's OCD and hates anybody's office but his own. As grateful as I am for the intervention, the whole way, I can't help but think that every minute spent with Light, in the building doing _work, _is a timeless amount of betrayal to Matt. And it makes it hard to concentrate.

000

It's almost midday. We've worked through the night and agreed to go home, refresh and get breakfast. Light's house is on the way to my apartment, so he agrees that if I don't mind waiting then he'll drive me back to the apartment and I can change, shower and grab my files and my Mac.

I make us both coffee in his kitchen whilst he showers and changes, eventually resorting to turning on his TV. Nothing interesting there. Once he is done, we finish the coffee, get in the car and begin the drive to my apartment.

We take the lift up to my floor; Light obviously is too posh to take the stairs.

It reduces the amount of time I have to plan what to say to Matt.

Light isn't aware of our _issue _but I think he knows we're not completely OK. Why else would I be wandering aimlessly around the building, looking like I want a sign to fall on my head?

Fortunately, my keys to the door aren't attached to my bike keys due to the flexibility of flitting between the bike and the car. I unlock and open the door with caution, feeling like an intruder in my own apartment. Well, was it still technically mine? It was Matt's, I'd moved in _with_ Matt. I paid rent and stuff but I wasn't sure that made it mine.

Light heads for the kitchen, making himself another cup of something, calling out for Matt. I want to shush him, try to keep him quiet; but I realise I'm being stupid. I shouldn't be hiding from Matt when he's done nothing wrong.

He doesn't answer anyway and a quick assessment reveals that he isn't in the apartment and it worries me. Light presumes he's gone to work and that does enough to settle my nerves. I go to the bedroom, grab a change of clothes (notice, thankfully, that Matt's work clothes are missing) and head for the shower. I imagine scenarios in my head.

I'd get out the shower, dry off and change and Matt would be stood talking to Light in the kitchen. He'd demand to know what I really wanted from him, what I really felt and I'd tell him everything. We'd make up and Light would have to work on the case alone.

Or I'd get out the shower and Light would be gone. Matt would be waiting, something silly like '_Didn't think I'd let you get away that easy' _playing on his lips as he pounces on me, holds me close and tells me never to leave. I wouldn't be stupid this time. I'd stay.

I step out of the shower and dry myself off, change my clothes and open the bathroom door. Coffee scents float to my nose. Light is talking to someone and I all but race down the corridor, flying into the kitchen. He has the cat curled up in his arms, petting it.

"It'll get hairs over your suit" I comment, dry humour to mask my agony that neither of my scenarios came true.

"It's fine. Ready?" I give him a nod, checking the files and everything I needed were behind me, still in the corridor. They were. "What do I do with him?"

"Chuck him back out the window" I say absently. "Do whatever, I don't care" Light moves to open the window, placing the cat on the threshold—"No- Stop" I change my mind. "Leave him inside" The cat leaps from Light's arms and trots off into the living room. _It can keep Matt company. _I grab my things and we leave.

000

"So… you seem particularly un-like yourself" Light comments absently, flickering his gaze over to me in the car. I frown and lean on the window, the soft breeze from its slightly opened state keeping my eyes open.

"I want this case over and done with" I tell him idly. "That's all" He nods in agreement and doesn't say anything more.

Light and I aren't exactly friends, work-partners yes, sometimes. But we didn't class each other as friends, just associates. Links. There was no need for him to know or me to tell him anything about my personal life.

He stretches a hand and turns on the radio, already playing half way through a song. He changes the station to something else and, seemingly content, pulls his hand back to the steering wheel. As a secondary thought, he asks if I have any preference to any radio station. It's almost one o'clock.

"Not really, the news will probably take over soon anyway" I mutter, flitting my gaze to the figures passing by as Light drives us back to work. I get distracted with this for a good few minutes, everything feeling dead and numb. So much so that I'm not even sure I can think. Then, something sparks my interest. "Turn it up"

Light pricks his ears and turns up the radio, the commentator reporting the devastating news of a local shooting on the high street. One man was shot, killed, but the identity is being kept until the family members have been notified. Someone was taken. As a hostage – but nothing was stolen and only one guy was shot. There are witnesses.

"The shooters seemed too targeted to be random…it was weird. They went for the guy and shot him without a warning – he was nowhere near the tills or anything but they didn't seem to be aiming for the cash. Then they grabbed the err..the other guy and took off – all in the space of a few minutes"

"I wonder if L with take that one up?" Light muses.

"It's mundane. Boring. Why would he?" I counter.

"Change of pace?" Light suggests with a shrug. I don't challenge his idea. I stay silent in the seat and look outside again. All I want to do is sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

**Mello.**

We get back to base with the aim of heading upstairs, back to Light's office, to continue the work on the case. Instead we're blocked by Near. _Near, _of all people. However Near-ish he may be, you can't exactly walk around him. Through him, sometimes. But you can't really _ignore _him.

"L's having a meeting; do neither of you check your phones?" Surprised, Light checks his phone and is quick to apologise for his mistake.

I don't doubt that L would contact us had there been a meeting, but I can't do anything about my mistake of not noticing my phone. "Are you coming?" Near turns and walks to the board room, presumably. That's where I think he's heading, but he walks past it and heads straight to L's office, which is unusual.

Light looks at me in his confusion, apparently we're on the same page for once. Near knocks, opens the door upon reply and announces our arrival, apologises for our lateness and tells us to take a seat. L says nothing, which is odd considering it's us and he usually offers some sort of greeting. He barely looks our way. He stands.

"Now everybody appears to be here, we can begin" He says, picking up a wad of papers from the table and rising them to his face. Surprisingly, he hands them to Watari, who takes over the main spot at the front as L sits back down. _I thought L would be leading the meeting – Near said L was having a meeting, it doesn't make sense that he wouldn't lead. _I frown. "Watari" L introduces, needlessly, but politely nonetheless. The old man clears his throat, gives a nod and the lights dim.

"As you know, we seem to have reached a point with this particular case in which we are unable to move forward. Many of you have been working tirelessly over the past few weeks to try and gather what information you can. The team behind L would like to take this opportunity to thank you all for these efforts" Watari pauses to offer his polite, grandfatherly smile to the room.

"However, it appears that the case has shifted on its own and not by our findings – of which there were few that could prepare us for this. The opposition has made their move and it seems that we've been double crossed. For this reason, L's task force has, as of this morning, withdrawn its partnership from here" A few murmurs ripple around the room. I'm too curious to make a sound.

"For those working within this organisation, your help as been greatly appreciated and I'm sure you'll be glad to find that you've been relieved of this case. We will let you know the outcome when we reach it" _When. When we reach it. Oh Watari, so optimistic._

"For those working here under L's command, not all of you will be progressing with this case. I understand it's been stressful and I can't emphasise enough how thankful we are for your help" I'm beginning to understand why L didn't do this speech. He wasn't a great people-person.

"However, I'm sure you'll be thankful to work on another case that isn't going to send you all quite mad" A few chuckles floated. "There isn't much else to add, I don't think" Watari gives L a glance but quickly remembers something. "Ah, those who have been selected to continue working on the case will be contacted shortly, so please keep your phones on you at all times. There will be things you'll need to confirm, confidentiality and such and, as always, you have the opportunity to decline the offer with no err, scratches on your record, should we say" A few more murmurs went around the room, followed by a few sighs of relief.

"Well, I think that's it. Thank you all for your help, and I – _we, _wish you luck on your future cases"

The room files out quickly and Light stands, straightening his jacket. L catches his eye and Light wanders over. I stay seated. L hadn't looked my way through the whole speech. Watari hadn't spared me a glance. Near was giving me glances, which, in itself, was dubious.

Something was _off. _I fold my arms over my chest, feeling my phone in my jacket pocket. _I want to call Matt. _Practically everyone had already filed out of the room, leaving only Watari, L, Near, Light and myself. But the meeting was over, and now all I can think of is Matt.

I stand and leave without a reply, heading for the door. Almost simultaneously, text-tones fill the air and I pause.

Near takes a few seconds to realise it's his, takes it out, fiddles, then glances at L and nods. Light is a little quicker. He shoots it from his pocket, reads it over and, like Near, nods at L.

"Mello?" L asks, somewhat carefully. I take my phone from my pocket and see a text from an unknown number. "I urge you to think carefully" He says quietly, almost…gently. _Something's wrong. _I read over the text. What is there to think about?

_Mello, congratulations. Your answer – yes, or no? L. _

If I say yes, I'll continue the case, I'll probably lose Matt indefinitely.

If I say no, and abandon it, I may get Matt back.

There shouldn't be a choice. There shouldn't. Matt overrules work. But I left him on the stairs and ran straight here. I chose work over him. _To protect him. _From what, exactly? Four years shouldn't mean nothing.

I can't decide.

The truth hits me like the butt of a gun to the head.

I _can't _decide.

"I won't lie, Mello. Your help _will _be necessary, and somewhat beneficial" L leers over the desk and looks at me for the first time. "It's a tricky choice you face and I wonder…perhaps, if the outcome will be the same no matter the direction you take" He frowns.

He's talking in riddles again. "Your reasons are your own. I need a solid head space, Mello, no baggage" He raises his eyes to meet mine. _Whatever is going on with Matt has to be left. I have to cut Matt loose if I want to finish this case. _"However, I also fear that-"

"Yes" I find myself saying, surely.

"Mello" Watari looks over, looking…strained. No. Concerned.

"I've worked with you for years – you've never lead me astray. We've been a team for longer, and I trust you. If you need me, I'm here" L says nothing. "I might've already lost Matt" I whisper. Something sparks in L's eyes but I can't catch what. "He knows where I stand. If I've lost him it's because of this case; I'm not going to let it end up in a cupboard, unsolved, if it's managed to ruin me this far" Near offers a small, slightly disturbing, smile.

"Then I believe we can have this solved within the week" He predicts. "Are there any more members you've selected, L, or was that simply false hope?" L gives a wry smile that tells us we were the only ones selected. "Hm" Nears face seems happier. "Much better"

"If Mello's certain…" Watari begins, giving me a last opportunity to back out. I give him a nod to affirm my place here and he continues.

"Then we can progress. There has been an advancement within the case, as mentioned, and the opposition has made their move. It seems we have been double crossed; our undercover agent was working with our unknown assailants and was shot dead this afternoon. It's also been brought to light that said unknown assailants have taken their choice piece, shall we say, and made their first move on us"

"Wait" I interrupt, something coming to mind. The double agent being shot, the assailants _taking _their choice piece. The shooting. The kidnapping. "The radio broadcast – on the news, the shooting at the high street store" I look at Light for confirmation, who nods slowly. "That was our undercover guy? He was shot?"

"Sadly, yes" Watari nods, slowly.

"The person they kidnapped" Light starts. "Was it random – as leverage, or do we know if they have links with the assailants?"

"The CIA and the FBI managed to help us on this one" Watari's tone suggests something else.

L fiddles with his laptop, plugging it into the projector as Watari continues. "We sent them what we knew and asked for a few character profiles, anything they might have, no matter how small. They found three, which is a lot less than we expected" He pauses.

"One is locked up in a high security prison in the south, the other is in a mental facility somewhere in Asia. The only remaining candidate—is him" The projector flickers to life and a scruffy, dark haired teenager appeared, an unposed caught-off-guard, half way down the street kind of shot. His profile is underneath it, but I don't need to look.

_Matt. _

My eyes widen.

_It's Matt._

"It's from here onwards that the case gets a little complicated, I'm afraid" Watari continues. L's watching me like a hawk, waiting for a reaction. I can't give him one. I don't want to give him the satisfaction. He'd played fairly and I'd told him I could handle it and I'd be damned if he saw me crumble.

"I can confirm, and yes – evidence supports – that Matt is the person we've been looking for" There is no need for Watari to specify who Matt is. I've talked about him enough - everybody in the room is a close enough friend to know who I've been in a relationship with for the past four years.

_I'd given him files. Documents. Pages of information that all linked back to him, all that _were _him. He lied. _No. He can't have lied. There's a mistake. I begin to shake my head.

"Mello" L warns. "You need to listen; trust me" Once he says that, I can't not trust him. My eyes burn with prickles and my jaw aches with tightness. I hold back for another eight seconds before I feel the tears fall onto my lap. My face is set, hard with defiance. But I listen as Watari explains. And I let him, because this can't be wrong. They can' have gotten this far with the research and it be _wrong. _It's L. It's _not _wrong.

_But it has to be. _

"We've suspected for some time that this may be the case. We sent in our undercover agent to tag him, trail him at work, see if anything comes up" I shake my head at this. Matt was perfect. He kept a routine, was _normal. _But it fit. The new guy at work who didn't know anything, the one that had constantly infuriated Matt. He was our undercover guy. "Nothing unusual came up from the reports he gave us, but that may have been tampered with in hindsight" Watari continues. "Our trail dried up and we fell uncertain of our next move. We began to doubt Matt was our guy until today" I frown, but then it clicks. The agent was shot. Someone had been kidnapped. Someone…

"No" I shake my head stiffly. "No" It softens to a whisper because it's all I can manage. I'm exhausted.

"If Matt works for the assailants, why have them kidnap him?" Light supplies.

"It might be a ploy" Near says. "Why would we suspect Matt of being our suspect when, to the media's light, he's nothing but a victim?" Near glances at me, wary of a reaction no doubt. Everything begins to fit into place. Matt wouldn't help on the case because _he was _the case. He told me to stop working on it, he tried to pry me away. _Oh God. _

"This isn't him. It might've been, once, but it's not…it can't be" I think back to the incidences Matt had. The car, the beating, the spiking of his drinks. I turn to L. "You said he was being targeted, that was your suspicion"

"It was most likely just a way to gain his attention. For all we know, Matt set those up on himself" I bite my lip.

"Is there any chance…" I breathe. "Any chance at _all. _That none of this was what Matt intended? That he's innocent?" The room stays silent.

"There is a chance" Near speaks up, surprising us all. "But it's small. And it won't atone for his crimes" I'm not sure whether to thank him or not. L sits up, alert.

"The police have a trace on the kidnappers vehicle plate; I'm tracking it as we speak"


	14. Chapter 14

**Mello.**

L sits up, alert.

"The police have a trace on the kidnappers vehicle plate; I'm tracking it as we speak"

"Where's it going?" Light asks, leaning over to L's side and looking at the screen.

000

We trace the van to an abandoned building. Nobody questions me when I invite myself along and nobody protests to my being there. A small number of officers and a SWAT team accompany us, purely for the fact that the assailants would be armed and L's small team of 'us' won't be able to take them – even armed.

But the building is empty. There's no sign of anyone or anything other than the van and it's fair to say that it's been dumped. They haven't set it alight to remove evidence though, so the CSI team gets on fingerprint duty. The police officers pan out. Just because they aren't working on this particular case didn't mean that they didn't answer to our calls. It's handy, and they have the scope that we don't. But there's nothing left. No assailants. No clues. No Matt.

The police leave. The CSI team leave. Light wants to leave, but we aren't. L's rapidly thinking of scenario's based on the new evidence that's been found. The fingerprints have been sent off to be traced. There are traces of petrol nearby so it's safe to assume there was another car waiting for transport.

Judging by the tire span, imprints in the dirt, and size of it's skid marks, L's fairly confident it's some sort of land rover. The sun is setting and we're losing time. I'm getting impatient. We head into the main warehouse to double check for anything – but there's not even a trace to suggest they went _inside _the warehouse.

For all we know, they could've pulled up outside in the van, whipped into the land rover and sped off in that. I'm beginning to believe that theory.

Something cold presses against the back of my head and I recognise it instantly. My hands fly up, showing I mean no harm - or at least, I'm not reaching for my gun.

But my attacker is a pro, it seems, and pats me down nonetheless. It's a good minute before I realise I probably could have retaliated as soon as I felt the gun to my head. My unknown attacker would _not _have been expecting that. So why did I freeze and surrender? _Maybe some part of me is hoping they'll take me to Matt. _How pathetic. _Or worse, did I not care for my own life, now Matt's had been upturned?_

He picks my gun off its holder, tosses it aside and pats me down elsewhere. Giving a satisfied grunt, he orders me to move and shoves me onward.

I walk as he directs me with a tight grip on my left arm, but I barely register it. I'm eventually led outside, around the back. There's another car waiting and I'm kicked to my knees as my hands are bound behind my back.

There's five of them and they're all wearing masks. None of their build's looks like Matt. But they're all armed. I wonder about the others and glance back.

"I'm assuming a lad like you knows what a sniper is?" The gruff voice asks, hauling me up painfully and pushing me towards the van. "One trained on each on your friends in there" He indicates his head to the warehouse. "Come quietly, and we won't give the OK for them to shoot"

"How the hell do I trust you?" I ask lowly. He points his gun to my head.

"Move"

I shuffle back and get in the back of the van silently. My only comfort is that I hear no gunshots on the drive away; but then again, the snipers might've used silencers.

I stop thinking about it and try to concentrate on the floor of the van.

"Here" The gruff-voiced man passes something to someone else; a black cloth. "Blindfold him" I would object – seeing as there's nothing I can see from the back of the van anyway – but I sort of welcome the absence.

000

I can't tell how long we're driving for, but if I based time on the amount of thoughts I'd been going over, I'd say we'd been driving for centuries.

Eventually, at some point, the speed and noises of the van lulled me into a numbness that I'd never felt before. I blame this as the reason I was so surprised when the van lurches violently to one side, the driver swearing under his breath.

I'd been complacent, unaware and unguarded. In the hands of a bunch of criminals, no less. And I was _me. _Well, that was probably a lie. I was only half of me without Matt, and even less so now Matt wasn't really …_Matt. _

"Fucking shit-head, what the hell does he think he's playing at?" There's a dull impact; something rammed the side of us. Shouts flare up and I can't see their reactions, but I feel their hurried movements and I hear their weapons at the ready.

Then car horns sound up, tires screech and we crash, tumble and roll to the side.

There aren't any seat belts in the van; I fall from my seat and my legs vanish from beneath me. I flip sideways, still blindfolded and bound. I give an agitated grumble as I feel the van skid across the floor and ram into something else; the movements halt, the sounds dim.

I hear a screech and see the darkness get just a little bit lighter. Did the doors open? I think I hear a sigh, but it might've been the wind. I fidget where I am and feel something warm trickle down my face. It smells metallic and I assume I've whacked my head.

Someone moves. I sit up, (whichever way gravity deems 'up' at the moment) and I'm alerted to my head injury as it feels heavy and light at the same time. I swear. Something touches my arm, deliberately, not like a nudge. I hiss.

"Please don't" It takes seconds to register the voice, but I still recoil. "Stop" It's more confident than it was when I left. I feel both arms graze my side and I try to wriggle away. "I won't tell you again" _Is he threatening me? _My hands are unbound and I raise them - - he pins them to my sides with his knees in an instant.

It hurts, but that isn't the point. He'd anticipated my actions. I was going to hit him. He knew I was. _I still want to. _

He brushes the blindfold from my head and uses it to dab at my wound. As my eyes adjust to the light, all I see is a red, out of focus blur.

"It's a graze; come on" He releases my hands from under his knees but replaces them with a vice like grip. I can't protest, my mouth won't move – so my legs falter underneath me. "Mello we don't have time for this!" _Slap! _My eyes widen. "Stop being such a fucking asshole! Get up!"

He hauls me up and I slump against him. Pain shoots through my leg and I'm aware of another wound somewhere on my thigh. He notices it and uses his weight to balance mine, cursing all the while.

He quickly paces us out of the back of the van, awkwardly mind you, and towards the side. He fends off onlookers and the paramedics – the police aren't here yet, but there sirens are close. He shoves something on my head.

_He slapped me. _It's only just registering. Something familiar reaches my ears. The sound of my bike, revving to life.

"Get on" Matt orders, tugging my waist closer to the bike. The intimate action causes me to twist away from him. But it's a movement he can use. He swings me around so I whack into the bike's side. I cringe as my hip collides with something pointy. "Get on!" He yells, actually _yells. _

I slide a leg over the seat and unwillingly fall closer to his back – he's already on. He grabs my arm and slides it around his waist securely. "For the love of God, Mello, hold the fuck on" He's out of the clearing in seconds, leaving the scene behind us.

On one hand, the familiar scent of bike fumes, Matt, and the feel of the speeding bike is enough to knock me back to the present, instead of – what I soon realise had been – shock. But it doesn't help my anxiety. _Where is he taking me? How did he escape his kidnappers? Was he even kidnapped?_

The questions take over and I can't stop the new ones from appearing. _Am I being re-kidnapped? _It's giving me a headache.

I forget them all, close my eyes and hug Matt closer because it's the only thing I can do.

If he notices the change, he doesn't react to it. I open my eyes and watch the world fly by.

I recognise the route.

He's taking me back to base.

Back to work.


	15. Chapter 15

**Mello. (again!)**

When we get there, the fuss is catastrophic. The police force are up in arms, the higher ups are demanding explanations and L is virtually catatonic.

I lead Matt as far as I can without anyone attempting to take him from me.

I soon realise that most people think Matt was the one to kidnap me in the first place, that he'd taken me hostage when we went looking at the warehouse and didn't get very far, and now I'd come to bring him to justice.

It was almost laughable.

I get as far as L's office and it isn't any comfort at all.

L is waiting, Near at his side and Light and Watari a little behind them. There's three agents, black suits, as I had been not four years ago – my own secret from Matt – from before I'd opted to work with L full-time. My hand feels cold and I forget I'm holding Matt's wrist, his pulse warm and rhythmic beneath my fingers. He feels so close behind me.

"I knew you weren't a lawyer" He whispers, his voice husky and confident in my ear.

He pulls his wrist free of my hand, gently, and slips his fingers around my waist. He's done this numerous times to comfort me, mostly when I'd be tired after a long days work. The sneaking up behind me, snaking his hands around my waist and pulling me closer. It's a comforting familiarity. The only displacement is the people we're facing and the complete incomprehension of the entire situation.

"I'm going with them" He says. "You need to stay with L" It takes me a moment to register the decisiveness of Matt's voice. Unfortunately, in that moment, he's left me and crossed over the majority of the way towards the FBI. _Stop, Don't go _wavers on my lips, but they take him before I can protest.

It takes hours.

First-Aid people patch up my head.

L briefs me on what happened at the warehouse when they'd realised I'd gone missing; they tried to track me and the van but it was tricky.

That Matt had found me was purely a welcomed coincidence on their part, they don't know what Matt was doing or how he'd lost his supposed kidnappers from the game store - but the FBI aren't done with him just yet. Though, I find out that they're keeping Matt somewhere in the security basement below this building.

They're detaining him until we've reached a decision on what to do with him temporarily; they'll cross it with their people and we'll meet at a happy medium. It sounds so simple.

Why do I get the feeling it's going to be a horrific mess?

Finally, myself, L, Near, Light and Watari are in my office. The FBI officials are in the board room; Matt is downstairs being watched. We all have our place and jobs, only I'm not sure what mine is just yet.

"It's possible he's still in shock" Light murmurs, giving me a glance.

"I'm not in shock" I spit back at him. "I don't know what to _do" _I emphasise.

"Maybe things will be clearer…if…perhaps you went to _talk _to Matt" Near suggests.

"They'd never let him" Light opposes, before I get to even marvel at the fact that _Near _of all people would suggest something for my benefit.

"It might be worth a try" Watari reasons calmly. "Now we know he wasn't the one to kidnap you-"

"How can we be sure Mello isn't covering for him?" I glare at the accusation before I realise it's L who said it. It's hard to hate what L says because he doesn't say useless, unimportant or unintelligent things. Everything he says is for a reason and he's usually scanned it over in his head for a few fantastic milliseconds before mentioning it. "Or that this is all still a part of Matt's plan?"

My glare turns into disappointment. But I say nothing else because I can't prove otherwise. We go over the details again for about fifteen minutes and scenarios keep popping into my head again.

Near would slip out and come back with Matt, looking nervous. FBI agents would be outside, waiting for the moment Matt would try and run. But he wouldn't. Everyone would leave and it'd just be us two. I'd ask him why he lied—

Or, Matt wouldn't like the FBI's company. He'd rebel and try to find me. Of course I'd welcome him with open arms and keep him against me as he explained everything.

Alternatively, he'd keep within the FBI's company and behave, he'd tell them what we need to know and comply with everything. He'd be released to me and we'd-

None of it was realistic.

The FBI board meeting has ended, we've been told, but they don't say anything more about Matt. L finishes talking and there's _still _no reports on Matt. I can't remember L reaching an overall conclusion. So I ask for it. What is our conclusion?

"We're going to question Matt and fill in the blanks on the case, obviously; it's a priority and the first one of many. We need to bring the criminals to justice. We have the lead of the case. Once we've filled in all the blanks and made the necessary calls, Matt will most likely be handled back to the FBI where they'll deal with him. Things will run smoothly if he cooperates – which, I suspect he should" Light gives a shrug. "I doubt we'd still have the case - it should be handed over with him"

"Can I see him?" I ask carefully. "Will they let me, or…do we question him first?" I can see Light about to protest. "You can't toss me off this, not now" I warn. "I'm staying on the case, I'm staying with Matt and I'm staying here"

"Good" L acknowledges. "Just don't expect Matt to go easy on you" The confusion is evident on my face, apparently. "You want to be on the case, you can question him. Do what you want with him, fill in the blanks. He's either going to work with you, in which case you use it to your advantage and draw the case to a close, or he'll work against you. He'll despise the fact you lied and you'll find out things you don't want to know. You'll despise the fact that _he's _lied to _you" _He pauses. "It won't be simple. He won't make it easy. Don't expect him to play along Mello. It's him and us" But it's _him and me. _

"You need someone else in there as a witness, a partner" Light sighs. "There's no way they'll let you two alone, surely"

"Near" I opt. I may hate the brat sometimes, but he keeps a cool head. I suddenly change my mind to L, but something tells me he doesn't want to be stuck in the middle. Light is useless to me. "Would you?" I turn to Near and he nods. I spend the five minute walk to the detaining room planning what I'm going to say to him. How to start, where to begin. Do I ask how he is? I'm so wrapped up in the thought process that I almost miss what the guard at the detaining centre just said.

"What?" I frown.

I rage a fit. I hit the guard and the FBI are just as wound up as I am.

They don't know how he gave them the slip.

I think I'm more annoyed that this won't make things any easier for Matt if they find him again.

Near has gone to explain to L.

I storm to my office, lock the door and take my anger out on the furniture. It takes me seconds to realise I'm not alone in the room, and that someone is sat in my chair, their feet rudely on my desk, cigarette in hand.

"Matt" I keep my voice low. If he was going to run from the FBI then he could've ran a little further.

"I get that you're mad" He tells me, shifting slightly. "But do you think that I'm the only person here with secrets?" His voice is laced with something, it's gentle and…almost, perhaps…venomous? It worries me.

"Why did you lie?" He asks. "The Lawyer thing, I mean. Let's start with the simple stuff. You lied about being a lawyer" _Simple? God, Matt this is far from simple. _

"I've always worked for the FBI. I was the link between them and L. Eventually, I crossed to L's private branch permanently, but I still help when we need to liaise" I find myself explaining to him. "It's not meant to be broadcast. It's an inside thing, not a personal thing. People just aren't supposed to know" It feels like a justification, but Matt's expression doesn't change.

"So all of your cases? They were all fake?" He frowns. "Or were they just covers for more important ones?" My expression changes on the latter of his theories. He notices and grimaces, blowing smoke to the side and stubbing the rest of his cigarette out on my desk. "So I was just a case, to you?"

"No" I say firmly. "No, don't you _dare _think that-"

"Did you know I was here the whole time, was this just a four year set up?" I shake my head vigorously. He's got this so _wrong. _"Four years is a long time to keep something like this" He gives an offhanded shrug. "Always sort of felt it was too good – that _you _were too good"

"Matt, stop! Please" I beg. "This case came after me and you, I swear it" He doesn't believe me, I can see it in his eyes. "I never meant to hurt you – I didn't know that it was you until recently, _barely a day, _when things started clicking-"

"_L _started doubting, _you_ started believing him, things started _happening_ and you just _assumed" _He shakes his head. "You have this all wrong" He whispers. "It's so, _so _wrong and it's so fucking muddled" I know exactly how he feels. His face changes, it's worried.

"I don't want to believe this" I tell him. "The case was annoying me, it was getting too close—"

"Too close?" He echoes, venom in his voice. "How the hell did you think I felt when I found your files everywhere, knowing your easy answer was living with you? When I found out you weren't even a _lawyer?"_ He laughs in disbelief. "You know, I never had the urge to try and hack into your background. Told myself it didn't matter, that I didn't need to know who you _were _because I love who you _are. _How fucking stupid?" I don't know what to say to that and he's silent for a few more seconds.

"I didn't want to doubt you Mel" His whisper chills me like ice. "I was happy thinking you went to work for a law firm every day, and that there was this one case that was annoying you – but it was ok because you'd solve it and we'd go back to normal" He bites his lip.

"Finding out you worked for _them _complicated things. I didn't want you workin' on the case; I tried to stop you, tried to deter you…you're far too stubborn and persistent" He looks away with a frown. I'm across the room in an instant, his shoulders gripped by my hands but he doesn't stop. "You should've listened to me, Mel" He whispers. "It would've saved us all of this. You would have surrendered the case, it would have been left and we'd be fine" He gives me a sad smile.

"But there's no point in making you the bad guy" He adds quietly, his hand rising to brush through the ends of my hair. "It's not exactly fair…not when I had secrets too"

"Running from the FBI won't help" I find myself saying. "They can help you Matt, please. Whatever you did..."

"Hm, I suppose they can" He says absently. "But I wanted to check on you first" I look at him quizzically. "Those guys that took you – I had nothing to do with that. They've known about us for a while, you and me. I think they might've known about you being—_whoever _– longer than I have"

"Who are they?" I ask. "Why are you linked with them?" Matt smiles, leaning over the gap between us and taking my lips in his. I relish the contact and pull him closer but pull back from him just as quickly. I need answers. "I know you" I whisper. "You wouldn't mix with them, not of your own choice" The vague possibility that I'm trying to convince myself of Matt's innocence occurs to me. I cling to it.

"You know all of the good in me, Mello. But not a lot of the bad. And I'm afraid you'll hate me when you do" Before I can reply, the door is knocked open, too violently on the assumption that it'd be open and not locked – as it was. It's L.

"Calm down" Matt says, backing me up and standing from his seated position in my chair. He walks around me, giving my fingers a quick, comforting squeeze in his hands before holding them out to L. "Lead the way" L says nothing. I wonder how Matt knew L was taking him somewhere. But I don't dwell. I follow them out, more FBI agents waiting, red faced and annoyed, outside in the corridor. Near appears at my side.

"They're going to question him. Is that ok?" I have a feeling Near thought I'd explode into a human shield and not let anybody near Matt. As much as I wanted to, I needed answers just as much as the rest of them.

"I don't have a choice" I murmur, following them all the way back to the detaining centre where they sit Matt down, handcuff him to the table and place him with a guard in an impossibly secure room. He won't be getting out of that as easy.

The thought leaves me unsettled, a heavy burden in the pit of my stomach. I realise it's because I have no way of getting him out of there, even if I wanted to.

The FBI have one man left with us, the rest have filtered out to discuss what to do with Matt when we're done with him. The agent stays quiet; he's only really there as backup. Near seems to know him – they talk animatedly, or as animatedly as someone from the FBI can do with someone as socially challenged as Near.

I bite my fingernails nervously as L takes charge, setting up the microphones, cameras and assigning jobs. He probably thinks I helped Matt escape – he won't trust me with him, he probably won't trust me with anything else on the case.

I wonder if Matt will cooperate with Light – his willingness to be questioned was encouraging, but his attitude to me before was not. The microphone allows us to hear Light's questioning in the impossibly secure room, with only a table and three chairs; one for Matt, one for his guard and another for Light He checks the microphones are working, L checks the recorders are ready and we begin.


	16. Chapter 16

**Mello.**

"It's no secret that you're a hacker" Light's eyes glide to the huge folder on the table and Matt says nothing. "You're also a criminal and a problem" Anger and denial swells in my chest, but Matt doesn't deny anything. _It's not a confirmation either. _My head supplies.

"Your records have been altered" Matt automatically gives a small smile at this. "Proud of that, huh?" He doesn't react and I'm instantly proud of him. "Or just impressed that we managed to notice?" Matt doesn't say anything. "The alteration of your personal records – I'm assuming you did it" Not even a flinch.

"Once we noticed that, it was easy to assume you had something to hide. Like, for instance, your name" Matt's reaction was undeniable. It was almost a snarl - a warning. Light is pleased by the response and describes Matt's reaction to the microphone. I'm sure there's a camera in there too, but Light has to record everything.

"Hm. Matt's not your real name, is it?" There's a pause as Matt tries to weigh something up - his eyes calculating and daring - and Light is soaking up the suspense. Matt's eyebrow raises in silent competition. "Mail." Matt's face is blank. My heart stops. "An odd name" Light says calmly, but Matt's face has reverted back to blank-stone. "There's also evidence of your hacking ability from an early age, your exceedingly brilliant ICT skills from age five upwards - and of course, your perfectly altered record;, something as trivial as changing your name would be nothing short of a small matter, no? When you can invent yourself again? Not so much as a parking ticket, here" Light seems confident, but my confidence is slipping away by the second. "A little too perfect for an obvious hacker, no?" I can't imagine how Matt must be feeling. "We can go over those fine details later, what we need to know are facts on the matter at hand" Light shifted his fingers together, business-like.

"You're familiar with the gang war that happened about…four and a half years ago, now?" Light looks to Matt for a response, but he isn't graced with one. "I'm sure you do" Light affirms. "No records attain the information officially, again – a cover up, however we've suspected for some time that you aren't who you say you are – and it was only a matter of time before we had the evidence to prove it"

Light looks smug and I unconsciously step forward, but Watari hands me a cup of tea as a distraction and I take it. He's passing a tray around. I find Matt's face and he's looking at me. I freeze. Light notices.

"It was convenient, the relationship that you and Mello- sorry, Mr Keehl already had, nothing more. This is primarily the reason we don't allow work relationships – however your case is exceptional. We would have needed Mello, to get to you. The fact he already had you saved us all a lot of time in the end" _He didn't have to put it that way - and it was nothing like that!. _I frown and step forwards some more. He's twisting everything around.

"It' wasn't like that" I whisper, pleadingly to myself. I step closer, but I'm pulled back by Near's FBI friend. He's young, strong, I wonder how much he knows.

"I wish that Mello would've told me sooner" Matt speaks, his voice sounding unsure. But his face is confident with intention. "That's all" He adds. "Then I could've left sooner" I'm worried; I shake my head softly. "So we've established my relationship isn't a fraud" He muses. "You managed to use it against us _both, _mind you, and you've discovered that I'm apparently a lie" He unfurls himself, a few of his bones cracking as he stretches. He keeps calm and I find it off, even thought I'm not entirely sure how I expected him to react. _Not calmly? _"What exactly is the problem, then? My being a supposed-criminal, or your unsolved case?"

"Both. And they're linked. By you" Light summarises. "You may not have noticed, but the gang war that ended four and a half years ago is rising to the surface again. You can't deny that" Matt shrugs and looks wary.

"I dunno…it's not likely" He mutters.

"Yes" Light challenges. "It is. The attempts on your life should be a warning if nothing else!" Light is getting agitated and Matt looks on in consideration. I grin to myself as Light makes another bid for Matt to understand the facts, to try and hold his attention. "If that wasn't obvious, then their kidnapping attempt at your work-place should have set off alarm bells" Matt remains still.

"They want you dead. We need you alive. We want to stop this and bring those criminals to justice, before they start killing innocent people" Something stirs in Matt's eyes and concern tickles my stomach. "We can't just hand you over to them; it's a breach of human rights. So what do we do?" Matt frowns at the rhetoric question.

"You seem sure they're back" He says lightly. "To do bad things to ...who, the public? How sure are you?"

"You know who '_they_' are?" Light counters, leaning forwards to the tables' edge. "So you agree that you know about the gang war. You were a part of it" Matt flinches at this. "Do you have their names?"

Light tries to pry more out of him, but after Matt's silence for a further half an hour, it's obvious he won't talk. The thought worries me.

Light leaves the room and Matt is given a short break. A cup of coffee and some toast. He doesn't eat the toast, but it doesn't surprise me much.

I ask L if I can talk to him, I might be able to coax more out of him, but L won't have it. I don't know why I tried to ask him - I've probably chipped a chunk out of his trust-o-meter.

The FBI's guy, who I find out is named Gevanni, asks if he'd be allowed to go in. At first, I protest. We haven't filled in any of our blanks yet, the FBI don't get their turn until that's done.

But Near points out that Gevanni is a double edge with both us and the FBI.

He, like me, was to liaise between the two. Only he doesn't have the emotional connection that I have to Matt, so L lets him. He's young. Sturdy. Confident. Near trusts him, which I'm not sure what to make of. L seems content and the questions start up again with Gevanni taking the lead and Light pottering around, discarded like last season's wardrobe.

"As Light Yagami mentioned, we suspect that you, Matt, are really Mail Jeevas. This would fit with the alterations made in your file-" Matt laughs. Quietly, and to himself, but he laughs. He seems amused and it confuses me. He motions for Gevanni to continue, a little more willing that he was with Light. _It's encouraging. _

"You have links with the gang war that happened four and a half years ago – that much is evident from Mail Jeevas' file" The name is foreign and means nothing to me. I can't form an emotional connection to it. Matt holds back a smirk. Nobody seems to notice but I was probably the only one looking at his lips. "You have a wound on your chest, am I right?" _Yes. He does. _Matt nods. "What do you know of the gang war, four and a half years ago?" Matt seems unsure as to an answer. Eventually, he talks.

"Two sides…didn't like each other much. Fought. Place got bombed. War stopped"

"It was rumoured," Gevanni emphasises. "that after the extreme wipe-out of the rival gang, both ends ceased the war"

"They got scared because their base got bombed" Matt's trying not to smile but his eyes are burning holes into the table. Gevanni nods in encouragement, but Matt raises his eyes to meet his, as if to say something else, but he doesn't. Gevanni must've noticed something that I hadn't.

"Did you do it?" Gevanni asks, going off script. L notices, stepping closer to the glass in curiosity. "Were you the one to blow the rival base up?" Matt is blank. "Although no evidence proves or disproves this, if you, Mail, were the one to blow the base - or even have some part in it - then we'd have motive for them to find you again – as revenge"

He shifts a few papers, finding a sheet with a few faces on it.

"These men; do you recognise them?" There's no mistaking Matt's reaction. "Whether you were the one to do it or not, they're back for you. This one…" Gevanni points to a face. "With his burns, chances are he was caught in the original blast and survived. Gathered up the rest of his crew, hired a few more, and waited for a chance when you thought you were safe. This one," He points at another. "We suspect he was the one to torch your car" Matt glances at me, then back at the sheet. "And Her…" Gevanni shifts to another sheet. "You were close?" Gevanni points to a specific face. I can't see it. Then Matt mutters a name.

"Kayla…" My heart skips and the image of her rooting through our cupboards comes to mind.

"They were using her to spy on you. She was working with them, telling them where you'd be and when you would be most vulnerable" _When I wasn't there. _I think. Matt suddenly seems defensive.

He goes rigid. Defiant.

He's known her longer than he's known me. The betrayal must be off scale.

"She was found dead three days ago, abandoned in a ditch near the railway. Perhaps they decided she was of no more use to them" Gevanni pulls the sheets back to him and Matt's hands curl into fists. He unflexes them and looks at me properly. His eyes are shining.

Suddenly, something hits. Something clicks in his head and he seems panicked. His eyes flick frantically around, his thoughts spiralling. I put the cup of cold tea on the side and move towards the glass. Nobody stops me. Matt's panicking, shaking his head. Nobody else seems to notice.

"Matt" I breathe, my hands on the glass as if he could feel them. He was nowhere near - and even if Matt made a move to reach them, the guard at his right would force him back to his seat. It was more for my benefit - to feel like my hands were doing some sort of good.

"You cared for her" Gevanni says softly, Matt's eyes back on the picture, angry. "They used her. We can help you, Matt. You need to trust that" For a moment, I think he believes it. Watari comes in and passes something to L, a letter. I only notice it because L is stood next to me. I barely register what's on it; all I can see is Matt's face. Worried. _Scared. _For something that isn't himself. Or me. I can't tell what it is, but its panic. He hasnt seen us on the other side of the glass yet, his eyes still boring into the picture on the desk.

L shifts away from my side and slips into the secure room, passing the note to Gevanni, who reads it over and glances at my red head.

"It seems there's been an attempted murder a few miles away. I…I don't see how it's relevant," He doubts, glancing at L. "But they've identified the man as Rufus Gale – he's in a coma" Matt's face pales; everybody sees.

"The girl?" Matt whispers instantly, his breath sucked in, his body tense. His knuckles are white. Gevanni glances back at the sheet.

"The neighbours say there _was _a young girl living with him; his niece, apparently. They're still searching for her..." Gevanni frowns and all I can see is Matt's wide eyes and shaking hands. If nobody notices that, they notice when his head flops back and his hands run raggedly through his hair. _Something's wrong. _

The question on all our lips. How did Matt know there was a girl – and who were they to him?

The only young girl that comes to mind is the one in the photos that I wasn't supposed to have seen. Maybe Matt had hidden his whole other life in there. It didn't matter at the moment. Matt was clearly pained by the news, his jaw set, shaky hands on his bobbing knees. He glances at me with glassy eyes.

"I'm guessing this is the work of the rival gang?" Gevanni asks. Matt says nothing, still staring at me and wondering _something_. "It would be logical for your gang to have a plan of attack – some sort of retaliation. Is there one? Matt?" Gevanni tries to coax Matt's attention back to him, away from me.

"There _isn't_ a gang" Matt says, shaking his head and turning back to Gevanni a few seconds later. Whatever it was he was thinking about, he'd made a decision. "We dispersed. It ended" He struggles with something else, trying to force the words out of his mouth. "They all left the country, vanished, I didn't realise-….Rufus and-…I didn't know they were so close...not till recently; they move around" He frowns. "Are the others ok?"

"We don't know who they are to check" Gevanni reminds him. "If you gave us their names…" Matt shakes his head. I think he'd rather not know. _Why were Rufus and the girl so important?_ "There's evidence suggesting she might've run away – the girl" Gevanni says, glancing at the paper. "Witnesses saw her running off shortly after the shots were heard – there's the possibility she's hiding" It's a naïve thought for him. Matt shakes his head.

"They'll have taken her" He says. "Why shoot Roo first when she would've been the obvious, weaker one to shoot at first" He says, almost silently. _Roo. The name has been shortened affectionately. _Matt's gaze hardens as he turns from Gevanni and towards myself and L through the glass.

"What, _exactly, _do you need from me?"


	17. Chapter 17

**Mello.**

Matt's willingness to cooperate meant things ran faster.

He'd been slightly defensive during the interrogation at first, but the news of Rufus and the young girl had shaken him. I think it gave him something to defend. Something to actually work for. Had that not have happened, the only thing Matt would've been swapping his information for would've been either a clean slate or a huge-ass deal with the FBI. I'm not even _sure _how things would have gone. Which is an awful thing to say, really. I should have been enough for him to fight for.

We relocate the case to a safe house a few miles away.

Matt will stay under our protection and Gevanni would stay as a liaison for the FBI. Matt was still primarily our responsibility until we'd solved the case, they'd decided. So L made the FBI butt out a little bit, (a lot), and deemed the case as one of his own.

We hadn't had time to go back to the apartment and get our things, so we made do with the things Gevanni had kindly supplied. He isn't that bad, really. A little stiff, maybe. But he could be worse.

We're in the kitchen when myself and Matt are finally completely alone. I thought it'd be awkward. But it isn't. He's looking at me like he's waiting for me to explode – but I don't think I can. Not with that look.

"I love you" Is the first thing that rushes from my mouth. "It's problematic and slightly strange … but nothing's changed how I feel. I know that" He smiles cautiously. "Four years doesn't just vanish, Matt" I say quietly. "I need you to believe in that, if nothing else"

He takes my hips in his hands and pulls me close to him. My hands find his shoulders and they drape over them, hanging down his back. My forehead rests on his. His hands slide up my sides and I shudder with pleasure. It's nice, being like this again.

"I believe you" He whispers. "And I'm not much of a sore loser, so I'll get over the not-a-lawyer thing" He adds softly. "I'm…worried" He _sounds_ worried. "I don't want to lose you too" He says, nudging his head so his lips find mine. I don't' dwell on the _'too' _and try not to think who else he's lost. Rufus? The girl?

"You won't" I say, with all the certainty in the world. Matt shakes his head.

"You can't assume that" He tells me. "They might kill me"

"They won't" I say defiantly.

"You might leave"

"I won't" I pull him closer.

"You might not have a choice; all legal and whatnot"

"No" I whisper.

"I'm enjoying this" He changes the topic. "Me and you, like this. Which is sort of why I need to tell you something" I leave my silence as his cue to continue. "I keep thinking it over and over in my head - it's been a thought for a while, but there's never been a right time to say it" _Now is not the time to ask me to marry you, Dork. _"Also, whenever I think it's ok to say it - I just have the mental image of you taking it completely the wrong way and assume I'm going to die or something" He offers a light smile and I nod encouragingly. "I rehearsed it" He adds.

"Just tell me" I laugh.

"Okay..." He clears his throat and pulls me closer. "Mello," He starts. "Ever since our first date, you've always been the stability that I've never had" I smile a little more. "You're the security which I haven't felt for a long time, and ... and the love that I'd forgotten that I could feel"

His face goes a little pink, like he really has had that locked up in his thoughts for a while. But it fades a little, like he's glad he's finally said it. _Please don't be a proposal - it's completely out of place, Matt. Don't, please._

"But as long as you know that. That I love you - all of you - whoever you've been for our time together - I don't care. Because I do love you. I do" _I might ask _him _to marry me, after that. _"Mel?"

"I love you too, idiot" I pull him closer, hugging him tighter. "So don't do anything stupid, okay? Play it safe, we'll figure it out" He sighs contently and we hug for a long while, but there's still something I want to discuss with him.

I don't want to ruin the perfect mood he's created.

But I really need to know.

"I'm sorry" I begin. "It's completely unfair of me to spring this on you after such a speech" He pulls back and we stand toe-to-toe, hand in hand, facing each other. "But…the girl…in the photo in the box? That Kayla found?"

"You _did _see" Matt sounds more amused than annoyed, I'm glad. "Hm…I wondered"

"Are you...holding up okay? With that?" I ask. "Kayla, I mean" Matt gives a shrug.

"I still have you...so...i'm alright" He says quietly. "And in answer to your unstated question," He sighs. "The girl in the photo that you saw...yeah" My heart sinks. "She was living with Roo"

"I'm sorry" I say, despite not knowing what I'm being sorry for. It seems like the right thing to say.

"She's called Neave" Matt tells me. "She's ...about five and a bit, now" Something glazes over his eyes and he shifts away from me; I try not to cling to his jumper as he pulls away, my arms slipping from him as he traces invisible circles on the counter top.

"She's _important…_to me" He stiffens and shudders a breath, ducking his head down; I hear the bones pop. "I don't know how they found her" He whispers. "They shouldn't have done"

"You care about her" I note. "And she's important to you, like you said. But we don't know if they took her. Matt, she's a kid. Kid's hide when they get scared. It's possible-"

"Mel" His head turns to face me, his hair shifting across his eyes. I brush it away and he straightens up. "I _know_. I know it's _possible _but I can't take the risk"

"So what do we do? Start looking? Go back over things? What…" Matt's face mirror's my own. Neither of us know what to do or where to start. We don't say anything to voice this, though. We stay silent, in the kitchen, pretending to think of an outcome that could work. Nothing comes up.

000

A day passes and I notice Matt getting restless. Nothing has been seen or heard of Neave or the kidnappers and its slowly chipping away at him. He _cleaned _everything, with polish and all. He went about it the long way, trying to distract himself for as long as possible. He's vacuumed the safe house twice since yesterday and he's _cooked everything. _

He's made cakes, buns, bread, full-meals, he's frozen half of them too. I'd remind him we shouldn't be here long, but I don't have the heart to tell him to stop. Once he's gone through everything in the kitchen, I'm eager to see what he'll do then. For now, I perch on the counter top and watch him work, a rare sight for him to be so completely involved in, but he's moving around with an agility I haven't seen before, and a focus that I find sort of sexy.

When he passes me to get to the sink, I pinch his ass but he doesn't react - his mind elsewhere. He's managed to locate a whiskey bottle and its hanging half empty from his fingertips.

"You shouldn't drink" I reach for the bottle but he swipes it away and backs himself against a counter. "Matt, it won't help" He raises it to me and takes a swig, but-

"Mail!" It registers as an intrusive, unwelcomed noise before I register it as a name; then as _Matt's _name. Matt surprises me by responding to it by turning to the caller before frowning.

"I'm _Matt_" He confirms. Light waves a hand dismissively and L seems to be deciphering the signals behind Matt's defensive attitude while looking disapprovingly at the whiskey bottle. I turn to face them, watching as Light moves his laptop onto the counter and open a file.

"This was sent to us a few minutes ago; It's from Watari – he got it from, well…your email, actually. He thought you'd be checking it regularly considering-"

"What is it?" I stop him blabbering and slip off the counter, behind Matt to see the screen better. "Have you seen it?" Light's silence confirms my question.

"That's just rude" Matt huffs, putting the whiskey onto the side. "But thanks to Watari for checking my mail for me, considering _someone _didn't let me have any internet access, phone, laptop or otherwise" Matt snide comment makes me smile, and I clutch his hand from behind. He isn't drunk, but maybe a little tipsy. I don't know how full the bottle had been.

"Do you mind me being here?" I whisper, close to his ear. He squeezes my hand in response and I know I'm ok. The video loads up and pops to full screen.

It's a ransom video. On a shitty camera so the lighting isn't great; they're all in black – the five of them – with pixellated patches for faces. Matt releases my hand instantly and balls up his fists, reaching for the whiskey again. I snag it and hold it away – Matt seethes next to me. I can't picture where they are, a basement? A warehouse?

They want Mail in return for the girl – and for a second I think they mean someone other than Matt – they've specified a date and time – in two days.

They hope that he'll show, if anything, to spare the life of his daught—

My heart skips and I take a step back. I catch L's eye and he's watching me like a hawk again.

Light sighs as the screen goes black and he turns to Matt, who's chugging the whiskey down again. _When had he swiped the bottle?_ Light swipes it back from him and Matt glares.

Light speaks first. "Drinking isn't going to make any of this go away-"

A single swipe sends the laptop hurtling to the other side of the kitchen. Matt's eyes are wide and furious, his hands flat still on the counter. And then they fly to his head – his fingers at his temples.

"I'm confused…" I breathe, so quietly that nobody hears or answers. Matt starts pacing.

"I suspected there was a daughter" L says. "That she was _your _daughter" Matt shakes his head, softly. But it isn't the denial I'm looking for.

It wasn't his hard, defiant 'no' shake of the head that I got when I told him to go to bed when he'd just bought a new game. It was his soft shake, his resigned shake.

The one he gives me when he knows he can't win.

Something hits the pit of my stomach and I realise that I can't be here for this. I can't process the information that my Matt isn't really my Matt, that any moment now, he'd willingly run off to save a child that I didn't know about, that I'd _lose my Matt _for a stranger that he loved more than me. It doesn't seem right, or fair. I start walking.

"No" Matt grasps my fingers and I tug, so he grasps my wrist and I pull, but he reaches my elbow and I can't, so he takes my shoulders and halts me. "No" He repeats firmly.

"She isn't. She isn't and you have this all wrong – _they have this _all _wrong_" But I can only smell the whiskey and I'm not sure of anything.

"I disagree" Light chirps. "Mail, you need to stop running from this"

"_Shut up_" Matt takes his eyes off me for a second, probably to scold Light for the use of _Mail, _but I use it to my advantage. I tear his hands from my shoulders and he reaches to take me back. I hold my hand out. He stops. "Mello" He pleads.

"I'm…confused" I tell him. "I…Things keep coming up and I don't know what to believe and you're making it _so..._sodifficult to trust you"

"Believe _me" _I shake my head. I can't believe him when I don't know who he is any more. "_Trust _me" How can I? When he's _still _hiding things from us? He couldn't have mentioned his relationship to the girl before?

"You have a daughter?" I choke out. Matt's eyes alight in annoyance, a furious rage of denial.

"Oh for the love of-"

"Mail, we just-" Light starts.

"I'm Matt!" He yells. "Matthew Jeevas – that's my name! That's who _I _am" He tells me. For a moment, everything stops and there's a calm, a stillness that takes over the room.

"Would Matthew Jeevas give his life up for Mail's daughter?" L asks, cryptically. Matt's answer is instantaneous.

"Of course I would! She's just a child. She's a _child_"

I turn away and go to the bedroom; Matt doesn't follow.


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: Swearing will happen - sort of thought I'd give you a heads up! And i'm sorry for the delay! Internet issues .'**

**000**

**Mello.**

I manage to avoid Matt's endeavours to contact me until Gevanni appears, guiltily knocking on my door and bursting into my otherwise uninterrupted silence.

"Mello?"

"What?" I murmur, registering the fact that he is stood by the doorway and isn't coming in. _Good, I don't want your company. _I'm sat against the bed, facing the curtained window that I can't see out of. My back and butt are numb but I haven't the energy to move.

"It's Matt" He says quietly.

"When isn't it?" I breathe.

"He's barricaded himself in the garage - it doesn't sound good and...there aren't any windows" Which means nobody is getting in or out of the garage without using the door Matt had obviously locked and probably blocked. Good news - Matt can't get out. Bad news - nobody else can get in. "And he's taken the remote – so we can't open it from the outside"

"Of course he has" I sigh.

I'd heard the commotion before, when I'd left them in the kitchen. After the few initial seconds, Matt had tried to come after me, Near had proposed to leave it a while. Matt went for the whiskey bottle then and they had all tried to stop him; I don't think they did.

He stormed to the spare room - having the decency to at least allow me my space - and had the radio on full blast, to which I imagined the similar situation about a week ago - with Matt sexy-dancing on the bed, a bottle of empty-ish Russian vodka in his hands and Du Hast blaring out the speakers.

After a while, they'd told him to stop. I'd gathered that the whiskey was gone, that Matt wouldn't stop doing what he was doing and Light and Gevanni couldn't pin him down. He was full-on unpredictable-drunk or getting there, at least.

And now he's locked himself in the garage, of all places.

"Mello?" Near appeared next to Gevanni, a bruise forming on his cheek. _That _got my attention. "He's a danger to himself in the state that he's in. I know it isn't what you want to do right now, but please, for our sake - try"

"Try what?" I burst. "Try and pretend everything's okay? That it's normal? That he's just _drunk _because of whatever? This isn't okay! He's not okay, and I'm certainly not okay either so no, I won't-" A large crash sends tingles down my spine, splitting my ears.

"That would be the tool board..." Near murmurs. I slam my head backwards. _Fucking hell, Matt. _"Is he suicidal?" Near asks, perfectly calm.

"How the fuck would I know?" I whisper. "No. He just has a lack of self preservation" Near and Gevanni share a glance and then Near leaves. It takes me a couple of seconds to ask. "Did Matt give him that bruise?" But I think I'd already assumed, and believed, he had.

"It was an accident" Gevanni hedges. The breath tore from my lungs in an aggravated sigh. I launch to my feet and pace from the room with half-numb legs and a dead butt.

**Matt.**

There's a hidden vodka bottle under the tool cabinet for some reason. It hadn't taken long to drink - it was only a small bottle – probably leftover from a summer night spent bent over the bonnet of a refurbished car. I'd made it through the whiskey and enjoyed its mind-numbing company, but it hadn't lasted as long as I'd wanted, or sent me to sleep like I'd hoped. But the vodka might, so I chug it.

Light was right, I couldn't keep ignoring this, but Mello hates me and everything is fucked up so I'm allowing myself a bad few hours.

I've already made my way through most of the bottle before I'm on the floor virtually catatonic. But that's when the thoughts creep in and I'm being tortured by everything all at once.

Snippets of memories and Mello, and possibilities and Mello and scenarios and kidnappings, and murders and deaths and Mello and-

Things get hurled around.

The tools, the spare tyres , my hands.

I'd clipped my finger on a rogue nail – on the board where the handy tools hung - and the pain sent judders through my finger-bones, to my wrist and up my arm. And that was all it took for me to attack it with my fists - just something to try and relieve the onslaught of _Everything_. It was an easy-out, an exhausting task that took me seconds and obliterated most of my energy. Before I knew it, the board was broken and split on the floor with nails, blades, drill bits and bolts everywhere.

They're talking outside again, L and Light but they can't get in. It's a sturdy lock and I've trapped the bottom of the door with oily rags and lugged the work bench across the lower half of it. The only way they're getting in is if the wooden door physically gets broken in. And unless they have an axe...

I'm not suicidal. I don't want to kill myself over this because it's not going to solve anything. Nobody is going to be saved by my death. But I just want it all to stop, just for a calming moment where I don't have to keep going around in circles.

The alcohol did a poor job.

The board-shattering was temporary - a few seconds of relief and the mess was back in my head.

The gang, the fire, the FBI and Mello, the work, the lies, Mello and the girl and Roo and-

"What the hell do I _say_?" And there he is.

The shining voice of my clarity. The one I'd lost when he'd walked away from me in the kitchen and refused to hear any explanation.

Another voice encourages him and he sounds closer to the door.

"Matt?" I swipe a bloodied hand over my sweaty brow and thud my heavy head against the wall of the garage. The world slowly starts to still. "Matt?" He tries the door. "You won't let me in?" The fuzziness is going away slowly. Things slipping out of my mind, seemingly unnecessary. His voice turns impatient. "At least let me know you're not on the floor, dead or something?"

"Not dead, Mel" I slur, but it's not loud enough and he repeats my name. "Okay!" I shout. "I'm okay" I correct, too quiet again.

"Alright" There's a sliding sound and I imagine him sitting on the other side of the door. _He's going to stay. _I slip completely to the floor, a mix of broken tools, sharp objects, cool cement and me.

I swipe an arm in an arc and brush any dangerous chunks aside. My face presses into the cold cement flooring and my headache slowly begins to freeze away.

"Matt?" He says again. With each word, a ray of light breaks through all of my misery-filled scenarios, clouding the entirety of my mind. I will him to keep talking, but he won't do it much if I don't talk back. _Just keep talking, Mel. _He's muttering to someone else, now. _Talk to me. Me, Mello. Not them. _I can't make it out.

"I still love you" I murmur, hoping he'd hear and knowing he won't. "Even if you hate me" I slow. "I'll still love you"

"Open the door" Mello instructs. "Matt, this is stupid. Open the damned door" Voices are disagreeing with his methods. I just want to hear him talk; I want to see him - to hold him close and tell him everything but on the other hand, I don't want to see him at all.

I don't want to see the pain that I've caused him and still dare to hope that we'll be okay. I don't want to watch as his face crumbles because of something that I've done.

But I want to curl up with him so badly my chest aches for him. Everything aches for him.

"I love you, Mel" I repeat, over and over again as if it'll change anything. But the alcohol-induced numbness has set in and I don't want to move. I'm happy on the floor, numb and quiet with _hallelujah, _the softness of sleep!

It's there, creeping in at the edges. A couple of minutes and-

The banging breaks my ears, loud and echoing and I'm wide eyed and awake. The door is splintering, something bashing its way through. I can only stare at it from my position on the floor - and it's upside down.

An upside down door, with an upside down wound made by an upside down fire extinguisher. And Mello - sweet upside down Mello and his happy face. No, wait. Furious. Upside down and furiously pissed off.

His hand reaches through the splintered gap he's made and realises the work bench is in the way - he'd been planning on unlocking the door through the gap. Instead, his booted foot plunges through the cracks he'd made - the bit he'd bashed in hanging on by a splinter. Defying the laws of gravity in my upside down world - the bit was hanging upwards.

Mello and his Doc's climb over the work bench, Mello with splinters in his hair.

"I fucking hate you" Mello grimaces and grabs me, pulling me upwards and then slapping me. "You don't get to do this; you don't get to make all of this go away and make everybody else suffer through it - through _your _problems – without even _explaining_"

He grabs the vodka bottle and looks at it for a second, before releasing me and opening the cap. I think he'll drink it, but he pours the remains over my head instead and then tosses the bottle away.

"Get a grip - sort yourself out and _then _I might start listening to a god-damned word that you say. This, like _this" _He grabs my shoulder and shakes me - unaware that with every word he's saying, I feel like my mind is waking up again. He's in focus, assertive and bloody-well sharp. "I couldn't care _less _about what you have to say to make this better right now"

"Mel" I murmur, but he doesn't listen or stop.

"So you're going to do as I say," He pulls me up halfway and drags me towards the splintered door that connects onto the safe house. He drops me painfully on my ass and starts to push the work bench from the door."And we'll talk when you're done, okay?"

"Okay" I murmur, waiting for my moment. He pauses, sensing a trap, and I pounce.

I wrap my legs around his and pull them back towards me. He falls backwards, his head dangerously close to the corner of the bench, but his arms react quicker than I'd expected. They take the brunt of the weight as he collides with the floor, Gevanni and Light protesting outside in the corridor. Gevanni is the first to move, through the gap in the door that Mello had made, and then pushing the bench that Mello had mostly moved to the side.

I crawl onto Mello in a heartbeat. I don't want him to leave. I don't want them to take him away. I don't want them anywhere near us - I just want Mello. Mello and his voice and his clarity and the sure, safe being that he is.

"Stay" I murmur, but his head turns away in decline. He tries to push me away and he has the advantage of being sober. He's sharper, and stronger, and I've dulled everything over with alcohol. So the only thing I see when my eyes lower to the floor in defeat is the array of sharp objects that are leftover from the fallen tool board. But they're within arms reach - and I do reach.

He's grabbed my wrist, but the thin saw blade is already in my grip. Light is swearing, Gevanni is trying to calm the situation but I don't hear a word he says.

"Drop it" Mello orders, and I hear that. I hear the worry and demand in his voice, but his eyes are solid blue and firm. "Drop. It" I clench it tighter, the blood dripping down to my elbow. "Matt" He growls. I wonder what'd hurt more; hurting me, or hurting him. Light takes a step forward and I see. I'm running out of time - I'll give in. Mello will win and he'll leave and he won't talk to me. He'll ignore me. I need a fucking plan and I just want to be with Mello. Can that be my plan?

"Drop the blade, Matt" Light warns, and I turn to him.

"Go away, then" I sneer.

"Not until you drop it" He answers. My blood is dripping over Mello's fingers now, down his own wrist. I turn to him and our eyes settle - his wavering a little, unsure.

"I just want him to leave" I explain. "I just want you. _You. _Not him"

"Not while you're like this" Light interrupts. I yell a stream of curses at him and he doesn't know what to do. I don't fucking want him - I don't want him anywhere near - this has nothing to _do _with him! "Mello, please" Light asks.

"What do you_ want_ me to do?" Mello murmurs, his voice low and his energy gone. I've done this to him, reduced him to this.

"Just talk to me" I beg. "Talk to _me_" _Stay with me._

"How about you talk to me?" He switches. "It'd be more useful, no?"

"Mel-" He wriggles out of our tangle of legs. He's leaving. He's going to leave.

"No" I try to pull him back down, my arms around his waist. We tumble again and he's flat-backed on the floor, his hair speckled with oddities but otherwise he's fine. I brush them away and he tries to push me off - but I have him trapped underneath me and I can keep him there for a few seconds. I lean down.

_I love you, just stay and let me show you that I still love you._

"Don't you fucking dare" He growls, his eyes shining. "Don't you fu-Matt!" His hands fly up as he pushes my shoulders back, trying to keep my advances away. And I'll admit, it hurts.

But I'm still semi-clear and he's fully-charged with hate - so he flips us easily enough and I'm pinned down in seconds, Mello's above me, furious and pink cheeked with shimmering eyes. _I did that to him. I caused that to happen. _His fingers dig into my shoulders, sharp and relentless.

There's glass around me, and I think one bit's edging into my shoulder. It smells like vodka – did the bottle smash?

"Just stop it!" Mello shouts, his fingers gripping my collarbone and shoulders tightly. I allow it, I let him.

The others leave when he starts to cry his silent tears, falling onto my chest and sinking into my shirt. His shoulders shake as his grip loosens and his body tenses, the tears still falling.

"Just stop"

I'd only ever seen that happen a handful of times - and I'd only ever been the cause just once, when I'd broken his old family photo frame by accident.

_And now, again, when I've broken everything that we've built. _

_When I may have just broken him._


	19. Chapter 19

**Matt.**

I know now that I can't keep protecting Mello from this.

I keep trying to remind myself that he's perfectly capable of taking care of himself, that he's enough of a man to be able to cope, to move on and deal with this.

The fact that he hasn't talked to me or even looked at me since the Incident-in-the-Garage is worrying; especially after the kitchen – I felt like we were getting somewhere. But maybe it was just us trying too hard to pretend everything was still normal. Watari is making plans for what to do 'tomorrow' - but I'll lose Mello if I wait any longer, hang-over be damned.

Eight times I've psyched myself up to tell him, to be brave and go in and tell him everything; to just blurt it all out so that it might help him understand. But I keep thinking that the more he knows, the more at risk he'll be. And that's what keeps stopping me. He was right when he said that I don't get to make all of it go away and make everybody else suffer through it.

Mello is suffering because of my problems - and I need to make them go away myself.

I'm hurting him by protecting him, I know that now. I've been doing it ever since I met him and I know it was stupid, so so stupid to think that it could work. That I could have a perfectly safe life after something like that…. It was worth a shot, to try, to see if I could move on.

After everything M-….after everything he'd done for me, I owed it to him to try and live some sort of life, to live and love with Mello and to live and love for _him. _For Mail. I need to explain it to Mello, I really do. But I need to get Neave back first; For Mail, and for Roo and for myself. She _is _family.

000

You'd think I'd be under surveillance after the Incident-in-the-Garage, but everybody was too exhausted to notice me sneak off. I hadn't expected it to be that easy. L had gone with Watari earlier in the evening, and Light - supposed to be on night-duty - was sleeping with his head in his hand. If the ever-looking Near notices, he doesn't stop me.

By midnight, I've fiddled the cameras and blocked the signal for three minutes. That's the three minutes that I'll have to get out of the house and off the premises before the cameras switch themselves back on as if nothing happened. And I won't be there.

I'd managed to pack some things up when I was alone, which was an awkward five or ten minutes here and there before one of them realised I was alone and wasn't meant to be. I didn't need much; but my three-minute exit plan had to include a detour to the weapons in Mello's drawer. I swipe them tentatively and grab some extra ammo quietly before making a quiet jog for the door.

There's a note on my bedroom pillow in case I don't get back. But I won't lie; Mello's sleeping face makes me want to crawl in beside him and pretend that the ginger cat will appear at our window in the morning.

I close the door over behind me and leave the safe house.

I hadn't mentioned to them that I know exactly where the base was.

000

Half of them have to be new, the kidnappers. There could only have been a few survivors of the attack – three at the most. When I arrive, there is nobody outside – which isn't altogether odd, just a little unnerving. It was an abandoned pub, next to the abandoned plot of land that used to be the front of the underground base.

I recognised the view from outside the window that was shown for a few seconds in the video – I'd looked outside it often enough, watching the sun come up again and again.

I go around the back of the pub site, expecting there to be force. There isn't and I manage to get in the back door with ease. It makes me nervous that it seems this easy, so I spend the next few seconds holding my breath as I move, anticipating an attack.

Three sneak up on me and I'm grateful for both the release of pent-up anxiety and the silencer on Mello's gun. I avoid their bloody writing bodies as best I can, manoeuvring around the hallways quietly with a stealth that only came from pretending to be James Bond - because let's face it, I'm not the most co'ordinated person ever. I shoot defensively, aiming for wounds that'll slow them down. I'm not a killer – and I don't want to be a murderer. I leave them all not-dead as best I can.

Two more men are down before I reach the room which I think is the one holding Neave.

I have to psyche myself up for it before I open the door, but I do and check all visible viewpoints, finding just one man, on one chair, watching a sleeping form of blankets.

I silence him with my finger but he proceeds to open his mouth to raise an alarm. In my panic, I pocket the gun and grab him – hand over his mouth as I press him into the wall. Hi eyes are wide, his hands fumbling for a weapon. I bring my knee up to his crotch in w swift, temporary-paralysing motion – as he doubles over, I knock the breath from his lungs and proceed to render him unconscious. I spin around.

The lump of blankets move and I rush over to them, pulling them down and trying to find a face. She wriggles and lets out a small sound of protest and squeak.

"Neave" I smile as she stops her whining, brushing a hand over her head. "Remember me?" Her face is dazed, and she's still half asleep, but she nods and rubs her eye, I try to ignore her murmuring _'daddy' _over and over. I tug her up, pinning her to my hip and telling her to hold on.

"Roo" She whines, her arms winding securely around my upper body.

"He's in the hospital; he's ok"

"What if they go back for him?" She murmurs. The thought had occurred to me, but I assumed L would be thorough enough to provide some sort of protection to ensure that wouldn't happen. He was a witness, after all. "Will he be able to make himself safe?"

"Yeah" I whisper, checking out the corridor before slipping into it. "Neave, you need to be quiet now, ok?" She nods and places a finger to her lips, ducking her head into my shoulder.

"Eyes closed" She whispers.

I'm thankful for that as we pass the still bleeding and alive bodies in the corridor, and again when I'm surprised by another few, unscarred men that I manage to knock out with the hilt. Her eyes stay closed, her voice a constant whisper in my ear. _'don't see, don't see'. _

"Going somewhere?" I recognise the voice. "We had a deal; you, for the girl"

"This is all one huge misunderstanding" I try. He doesn't buy it, raising his own gun to Neave's head, still buried in my shoulder. He unlocks the safety but I shoot before he can fire. I clip his shoulder, my hand unsteady in it's uncertainty and shock; It might have been closer to his neck.

He staggers and I run, Neave clutched to my side as I duck out the back door and run the secret back-ally nooks that hadn't left me in years. But the sickening thrill that came from firing a gun at a human body still made me want to throw up. My eyes water and I can feel my stomach churn.

"Can I look now?" Neave asks, her head lifting from my shoulder. "Where are we going?"

"Stay quiet, Neave" I tell her. She nods and doesn't utter a word until my running slows to a jog; my lungs burning, I stop, place her on the floor and kneel to her level. "Are you ok?" _Don't throw up. _

"Tired" She yawns instinctively, trying to keep her eyes awake and wide. I check her arms, which I'm suddenly aware are bare. She's in nothing but an oversized T-shirt as a night-dress and a small pair of pink slipper-boots. I recognise the T shirt as Rufus'.

"Did you sleep a lot?" I ask her.

"They gave me juice that tasted funny, and then I slept" She nods and I conclude that they were keeping her dosed up on something - probably dissolvable sleeping meds. "Ok….ok" I breathe, glancing everywhere for possible followers. I want Mello. He'd know what to do.

"Where've you been?" Neave catches a bit of her hair, a funny mix of brown and red, almost chestnut. She plays with the ends, her eyes a vibrant green.

"I'm sorry" I kiss her hand and swing off the jacket I'd hurriedly put on. It smells of Mello, and chocolate and leather. It's only when I fit her arms into it and zip it up that I realise it _is _Mello's jacket.

"We missed you" She continues. "Me and Roo" She catches my hands as they leave the zip and fit under her arms as I pick her up again. For ease and peace of mind.

"Not now, Neave" I should get her to the hospital but my instincts are telling me to go back to the safe house. I circle around to the hiding place of Light's pathetic car (which I'd borrowed) – and set Neave in the front.

Her head is slipping, like she's trying to stay awake. I shuffle the blanket from the back seat and pull it between the drivers seat and the passenger seat. Neave does as indicated and leans on it as a pillow, eventually snuggling into it fully and falling asleep.

I do all I can not to draw attention to myself by breaking the speed limit, despite the constant urge to go faster, to get home quicker, to be safe and sound and settled. It's another half an hour before I get to the safe house, sure that I haven't been followed.

Neave is out of it completely, so I edge her into my arms and lift her up, shutting the car door as quietly as possible with my boot and using the key-button to lock the car. She doesn't wake up, but she stirs and shifts a little bit.

I carefully step my way around to the back door, weighing up whether to risk noise by unlocking it with one hand, or to put her down and unlock it with both. Neave sighs suddenly and shuffles down and out of my arms, wobbling to an uneasy stand, grasping the edge of my shirt for balance.

I unlock the door silently and hold her hand, guiding her into the darkness of the house before locking the door behind me.

The clock displays three fifteen in the morning. I shuffle off my shoes carefully, and then notice Neave doing the same; she has her little slipper-boots on. She wobbles, but rights herself by grasping my jeans.

Once she's got them off, I pick her up again and take her to the sofa, tugging the blanket that covered it around her and balling her up.

"Safe?" She asks, housing herself up in a small cocoon.

"Safe" I tell her, stroking her head like she was the baby that I remembered. She fell into my lap, sideways, with the weight of the blanket and exhaustion and possibly drugs. They wouldn't have been any more than sleeping meds, I'd hope. But I was already asleep before I could question it.


	20. Chapter 20

**Mello. **

When I wake up, the first thing I notice is my weapons drawer is slightly open, because that's the way I'm facing when I wake. Upon inspection, the second thing I notice is that some are missing and my ammo is gone.

The third thing that occurs to me is Matt.

So I go to his room and find a fucking note on his pillow. _A fucking note!_

A million scenarios race through my head, so I freeze with it in my hands, wondering whether or not to open it. Voices from downstairs begin to rise and I find myself on the stairwell before I can open the letter and read it. I lean over, spying L and Light having a face off.

"Where's Matt?" I call, slipping down the stairs and padding across the room in my bare feet.

"Here" Matt pokes his head around the small kitchen, car keys twirling around his finger. "I was just going out"

"No! He wasn't" Light strains, holding a hand out as if it would stop him. "L, you can't seriously think it's a good idea! After last night-"

"What happened last night?" I ask, frowning.

"I went out" Matt shrugs as if it's nothing. My eyes widen and I turn to Light accusingly; he should've been on watch.

"He stole _your _guns, hijacked _my _car, broke into a building he didn't care to tell us he _knew _about-"

"Saved the girl though" Matt adds, cheekily grinning as though he's just saved the girl in one of his games. Just like he'd saved me when they'd kidnapped me from the Warehouse. Before I can voice my confusion, a girl appears at Matt's side, the one in the video.

"Shit" I breathe, stepping back. "Wait…my guns?"

"I cleaned em'" Matt points to the side where they are lying polished and presented. "I took your jacket too – that _was _by accident, but I'll get it dry cleaned if you like…Mel?" I'm faintly aware my head is shaking.

"Your daughter?"

"Nope!" The girl chirps, no, she has a name. Nina? Nia? Neave. "Do we tell him now?" She whispers, despite only reaching Matt's waist-line.

"Neave is my niece" Matt says in a coherent breath, almost practiced. Though, I wouldn't be surprised if he'd tried to memorise a whole speech in front of a mirror just so he could keep a calm face and not flip out.

"My daddy was Matt's brother" Neave tries to smile, looking at me, but she falters. I think I scare her.

"You have a brother?" Light doesn't buy it and scoffs the statement away.

"You told me you were an only child, I remember" I voice.

"I am; he died in the fire" _The explosion. _Matt's eyes freeze over a little, becoming icy and cold. "We looked alike. There was only a year between us so we often got mistaken for twins – ..." He isn't aware his hand is affectionately running through Neave's hair until her head leans into his touch. He stops and puts his hands in his pockets and Neave disappears into the kitchen.

Matt's eyes warm over as he smiles at me, carefully and guarded, but genuine. "I guess it's story time" Part of me wants to go back to bed. The other part wants to read Matt's letter – still scrunched in my hand – and find out whether or not he was planning on almost being killed in his attempt to get Neave back.

Nobody had said anything about that, but if anything it was the thing I was most furious about.

He hadn't asked for my help.

"I don't know…" My voice is unstable. Neave appears again, a steaming cup carefully balanced in her hands. She bravely makes the distance from Matt's comforting aura to my time-bomb state and hands me the cup, again, trying to smile.

"Just the way he said you'll like it" She offers it to me and it wobbles, the too-full cup overflowing onto her hand a little. I take the cup and she wipes her hand unaffectedly onto her top.

She quickly shifts back to Matt, though. I faintly wonder how she can be so attached when they hadn't seen eachother for years. Or maybe they had, and I just hadn't known.

"You need to explain this, Matt" L says. "To all of us" Matt gives a single nod and looked around from L, to Near and Gevanni and Light - and finally me. "You can tell it once and get it out of the way; of if you'd prefer, you can explain it to Mello first" Matt shakes his head shifting over to the sofa and curling himself up;

Neave sits next to him – where I would have done if we were back in the apartment. I sit diagonally from him, not in direct eye contact but close enough for comfort. Light and L take their seats and Near and Gevanni sit silently in the chairs by the bookcases. Matt struggles with where to begin.

"Mail and I were orphaned young –so we were always close. We did pretty much everything together when we were younger. We were that ideal age gap where we were each others best friend. All the way through high school – we each had our own separate group of friends; we were similar but Mail was a lot more talkative and confident than I was – so he had more friends. More influence, I guess. I was Matt, and he was Mail"

"Having our own groups of friends never bothered me; he still found me and we still talked about stuff; we didn't really have any secrets. So when I noticed him sneaking out more – this is from the orphanage - and coming back with an attitude, or sometimes with bruises…" Matt frowns, his eyes on his hand which Neave was tracing circles on. I thought back to him doing the same thing with me countless times.

"I asked him about it. I thought maybe this was it, that stage we'd finally got to where we'd realise we were different and we'd go our separate ways. But he shut my bedroom door, sat with me on my bed – just like he used to when we were little – and told me about this gang he knew. How he wanted in, how they were like a family"

"This would be the gang that-"

"Shh" I snap, glaring at Light and shifting myself around on the chair. I motion for Matt to continue.

"He was serious. I'd never known him so serious about anything, it was….weird. I was happy that he found something that was his – I had my games – but it was risky. A possible threat. We were a team, we'd always been a team – so naturally, when he went….I went with him" I watch as Neave tugs Matt's arm, a confused look on her face.

"What about your mummy n' daddy?" She asks.

"We didn't have any" He explains to her. "We were orphans, see. We were abandoned when we were little – grew up in an orphanage because nobody really wanted two little tykes who refused to be separated" Neave smiles and nods.

I wonder if she knows what an orphanage really is, what kind of strength that situation took on a person. "We liked it, anyway. Sort of became the older brothers of the whole place – The orphanage, I mean-…once Mail turned sixteen we got our own flat – it was shortly after that when he got involved with them"

"We" L insists. "You keep saying 'he' – but you said you went with him. So technically, it's 'we'". Matt chews his lip for a few seconds, unable to meet L's eyes.

"Okay…so the gang started off fairly harmless. Tagging places, small bonfires here and there – really it was just a group of friends meeting up and doing nothing – but then they changed it a bit. They started getting technical, a bit more violent. Slowly a lot of them became criminals and I asked Mail if he still really wanted to be a part of it. But by that point, they'd already become our family, our friends. They were what we knew. We didn't want to leave"

"So you willingly stayed with him, because you genuinely wanted to?" Light asks and Matt nods in agreement.

"I stayed in the background; as I mentioned, Mail was the more…social of us two so he quickly made friends, acquaintances. Sometimes I was sure they forgot I was even there. It didn't matter if I stayed inside for a week - if they saw Mail around and about long enough, they'd assume that at some point it must have been me.

"So I took it a step further and deleted _'me' _altogether. For the next few years, I technically didn't exist. There was no Matt Jeevas. Anything I needed, I used Mail's name and nobody questioned it. It was sort of...nice. I don't really know why I did it, an experiment?" He looks up to Gevanni and then Light. "My records look like they do because I had to remake me. They aren't falsified, they're just amended" Gevanni simply nods his thanks for the explanation. Light seems to get angrier. _He was wrong, _I realise. A smile works its way onto my face. Light didn't like being wrong.

"Where was I?" Matt murmurs, lost.

"Mail being the more sociable – your gang assuming you were him" L repeats.

"Hm...I'd worry too much about Mail to remember to eat – eventually it just became natural that I'd eat when Mail did, which ..."

He glances at me warily and I get the gist. He probably was hardly ever with Mail during breakfast/lunch/tea time to eat with him routinely.

"Mail was the one who introduced me to Rufus; as time passed, the three of us sort of worked out a system. I'd do all the technical things in the background – figuring our details, schematics, routes – Mail and Rufus would be the ones to do them. It worked, and I trusted Roo with Mail's life – and mine" I notice the pride in his voice as he speaks.

"Mail always made me go with him for regular running sessions. We had different sleeping patterns and we often missed each other in passing– so it became our talk time. I remember we were running when he told me about Carah"

"Mum!" Neave perks up.

"Yeah" Matt smiles.

**AN: I hope this isn't getting too badly complicated!**


	21. Chapter 21

**MELLO.**

"They'd been together for a while. About a year?... Despite being sociable and something of a flirt – I think he got that from Roo – Mail wasn't one for messing around. Once he had Carah, he didn't want anybody else"

"Sometimes, she got mixed up" Neave giggles, leaning up and cupping Matt's face in her tiny palms.

"We _were _similar" Matt grins and Neave removes her hands. "And Carah would come into the room sometimes with a flirty tone, or a …_suggestive _idea. Her face was priceless, the amount of times Mail would walk in behind her and pretend to walk off, offended" Matt quips a smile in my direction.

"I never had to tell Mail I wa-… that I liked boys. He sort of knew, always making small jokes here and there about how I wasn't a threat to his girl or how it was such a house-wife thing that I could cook for three as easy as playing my games, but would joke that I'd be watching my figure like a girl. But yes" His eyes dipped to his lap. "We were running and he told me that Carah was pregnant; I realised two things that day. One, that despite whatever mess you get into, there are always stages to get you out of it. And two, that Carah and her baby had suddenly become part of our trio. I'd never seen her that way before. She was always Mail's - something of _his. _Not ours. But when he told me, included me in that, she and the baby became _our_ responsibility.

I realised that I'd asked Mail when he first started, and again when things got a bit more…illegal, and then again when he told me about Carah…whether or not he wanted to stay. Any of those times he could have opted to leave, and we'd have left and done something else.

But he stayed, each and every time. This time was a bit different because now, he'd _have _a family, a _proper _family to call his own and make himself. But why have one when he could have both? Have it all?"

Matt's voice shifts, falls sad.

"He stayed, so I stayed. Carah stayed with him too, of course, didn't mind as long as she was with him. Roo kept an eye on us all – he was the oldest so he sort of fell into the big brother role easily. Then Neave was born" Neave smiles.

"On th' fourteenth of January!"

"Things got worse with the gang over the next year or so. Roo was shot and Mail had narrowly missed the cops at least three times; there was a rival gang that we'd somehow managed to piss off and they weren't taking it lightly" Matt spares a glance at Light, maybe to hint that this was _the _gang he was going after.

"Then I woke up one day and Roo was sat at the end of my bed, just like Mail would. The thought made me think something had happened – Roo assured me that Mail was fine, but he just wondered if sitting like Mail did would make telling me secrets any easier. So I asked what he meant.

He told me not to tell anybody, not even Mail, and if I couldn't do it, then to forget I ever saw him. But I'd known him for a while now, and it wasn't often that Roo was this calm. I figured out shortly after it was a frozen, focused sort of calm. But…he told me Carah was missing. Possibly dead. He needed me to find out which – if either – it was before he mentioned anything to Mail.

Neave was still in her cot, about nearly two years old by this point – we knew Carah wouldn't have left without her. We agreed not to tell anything to Mail until we knew for sure. I feigned a note in her handwriting explaining she'd gone to visit family for a few days. He'd take it easier that way - and he did"

"She died" Neave pouts a little, sad but not emotional. Of course, she'd only been a baby.

"Yeah…so the next step was who and why. It could have been our own – because she wanted to leave. Or maybe it was the rival gang, seeing someone close to a … well…I guess Mail was sort of nearly second in command to Roo… and Mail had been one of the ones to piss em' off…. She would have been a target"

"It was the bad guys" Neave says, shrugging a shoulder. I can't help but feel she's just ruined the ending of a film. Matt offers a sad smile.

"Roo knew there was nobody of my calibre that could find out exactly what had happened, who did it, without getting shot for looking; he hated to ask, but it was the only way of knowing what happened for sure"

"He made you do it?" Light questions.

"He didn't have to make me do anything" Matt breathes, as if the idea itself was insane. "Someone just tore my brothers heart metaphorically out of his chest - butche-" He calmed down in a millisecond, aware of Neave's growing eyes. "His daughter's mother was gone - he'd lost the love of his life and we'd lost our best friend. I wasn't going to leave it alone. So I searched" He pauses, as if catching up on his own story and thinking of where to take it next.

"My information tracked us back to the rival gang - they were definitely responsible for Cara's death; I told Roo and he planned an attack - seemed natural enough"

"And illegal" Light scoffs. "Couldn't you have just phoned the police, like normal people?"

"I take it you've never had the burning desire of complete and utter rage surging through your veins" Matt utters. Light simply blinks back.

"Carah still wasn't back from her hypothetical _visit_ and Mail was getting restless. He knew something was wrong. I remember his face when he backed me into the bedroom and pushed me onto the bed, sitting opposite me as we had done when we were kids….he said he knew that if anything bad had happened, that I'd tell him. That we had no secrets, and if anything was worth getting angry about, it needed to be said to be dealt with.

He was tracing circles on the bed, as I'd seen him do over Carah's hand – just a sweet little thing between the two and he was doing it unconsciously - she was on his mind and I knew I couldn't lie to him. ….and then I told him. Roo was at the doorway, watching. Waiting for an outburst. I explained what had happened, what we'd done and what we'd found…Mail was...that angry sort of calm...he didn't do anything immediately.

He asked all of the right questions, so...where were we up to, and what had we found, what was our next move...Roo kept telling Mail that her death couldn't have been us - an inside job. He listed off all the people who were on duty, their times and places, all in detail.

He knew exactly where everybody was and nobody was anywhere near Carah. So we were confident that it had been the rival gang, and Mail didn't care much for evidence..."

"...I'm assuming he went to hit a few walls afterwards" Light asks quietly. Matt had stopped talking, looking slightly lost.

"Hm. Roo went back to his planning and I went outside...probably for a smoke. Mail followed..." Again, the lost look crosses over Matt's face and I don't miss it. "He calmly told me that I shouldn't have kept it from him, that he didn't expect it from me – not about her. He said he could've helped and it was a waste of efforts that we hadn't let him. He then went back inside and I finished whatever I was doing – smoking, I guess. I think that was the most honest, meanest, ... _hurtful _thing he probably ever said to me – and over a girl" He finishes, a small breath of a laugh on his lips.

"I went back inside; Neave was screaming and I could hear Roo yelling and Mail's voice was hysterical…"

I watch as Matt shudders in a breath and turns uncertainly to Neave. I wonder if she knows any of this. He smiles sadly and she fiddles with her hair.

"Mum died, n' dad didn't like it"

"Roo and Mail were fighting in ..." He shakes his head to say it didn't matter. "I think it just sort of...clicked, you know? That it hadn't quite sunk in before, and then - once he'd blamed me - it hit home.

Roo was bigger, built better – and older. He had Mail pinned to the floor, trying to calm him down. But Mail was-….i've never seen him like that. He was thrashing about, furious. I remember moving to help, but Roo warned me back. This..._knowing _look on his face. Like he knew that Mail just needed to get it all out and exhaust himself, like a child"

Matt starts fiddling nervously; he needs a smoke break, I think.

"He said so many things that night that I still think about; some I'm not even sure if he meant – I don't _like _thinking he meant them. He raged everything at me, ignoring Roo on his back like it was just a temporary setback. I couldn't do anything but stare at him... I didn't know what to do.

Roo ended up knocking Mail out; he wouldn't stop and Neave was making herself sick with crying. So we cuffed him to the pipes in the kitchen. I went to get Neave from her cot - I remember hesitating. What was I to do with her, comfort her? How – there was no way she could understand – but she was screaming and it wasn't helping anything.

Roo got her, in the end. I went to the liquor cabinet and brought out the vodka, followed em' into the bedroom. Neave was restless, twisting and turning. Roo tried to comfort her like he'd seen Carah do – the walk and rock thing, but it wasn't working. She wanted her dad – she'd learnt that, she knew what she wanted. Roo knew it.

So..." Matt laughs a little. "He swapped with me –handing me Neave so I gave him the bottle. I didn't think anything of it – just sort of took her. Then I did what Mail did – the circle thing, on her back, her cheek, her hand...she stopped. Looking at me like I was Mail. She tired herself out soon after that" Matt stops, and my heart jolts. This can't be it. He finishes, finalising it like it was the end! I feel stupid, on the edge of my seat, waiting for the rest of the story that—

"Roo fell asleep watching after Neave" Matt whispers. "So I went into the kitchen...sat opposite Mail...he was awake. He had this genius plan in his head; we had the explosives, the tactics – with my help, the accuracy to pull it off. There was no way to tell who exactly shot her – so he was going to just blow the whole place up. And we did" He pauses again. I wonder how he can go into so much detail over everything else, and then just say 'we did' to the most important part of the story.

"How?" Light asks, dumbly, it seems.

"I uncuffed him. We went over the schematics, planned everything – all we needed was the explosives. It's not hard to make your own; we were done within two hours"

"You helped" L wants clarification, and Matt nods his confirmation.

"We figured everything out and were set to go. We ran through everything one last time, where we'd go, escape routes and stuff... I was ready" Matt stops again, his eyes hard and...watering? Oh God, he was— "Two things" He sighs. "Two turning points and I should've known..."

"We went to survey their building - rig up the explosives, work out vantage points. Turning point one: we were caught. _We _were caught. Baring in mind I hardly ever left the base and that I still – at this point – technically don't exist, they were surprised to find two of a man they thought was only one. We were both wearing black, hats on too – but you can't really miss it" He tugs at a lock of his hair, meaning his hair colour. "It didn't help things. There were about five of them now - and Mail didn't take long to flip out over Carah. He accused them all and it easily became a stand-off.

We moved around, knocked people out ... they lost which was Mail and which was me. When they called for a ceasefire - they used me as bait - thinking I was Mail; an obvious leader, if you put the two of us together. I could have laughed at the irony if I wasn't more concerned that Mail could lose his girl and his twin in the space of two days. So I played along.

He did as instructed, weapons down, yadah-yadah... fully expected me to be handed over and we'd be on our merry way" Matt begins rubbing at his chest, just lightly, over his left where that wound is - the one so incredibly close to his heart.

"They shot me in the chest - aiming to kill. That was turning point two. They all shouted, agreeing that they'd shot _Mail_ - they'd never even heard of a possible twin brother called Matt - but by that point, the others from our gang had turned up and we'd taken over in seconds. Mail dragged me back to base and stayed at my side until he was sure I wasn't going to die"

"I recovered fairly quickly; his degree had started off in medicine so he had a rough idea of what to do. And no, a hospital wasn't exactly our best idea at the time" He explains, turning to L warily. "So he disinfected everything, got the bullet out and saved my life. Told me to live - that I couldn't die because of a jackass mistake that he'd made. So I did"

"It took a few days" He continues. "But I was breathing and moving and mobile; we were okay. I_ thought_ we were okay. Mail apologised. For everything he said, everything he did, everything he'd dragged me through. He told me he was glad to have me; that he knew I'd keep everyone safe. That I'd know what to do, how to deal-...that I'd always known what to do. And that it was important, that I'd _always know _just _what _I should do"

His face hardens and he looks upwards, as if it'd stop the tears from falling from his eyes; they were threatening to.

"The next thing I know, Roo is shaking me up, Neave at his side, asking where Mail had gone"

"What?" I breathe.

"He went back" L says factually.

000

**AN: I really hope this isn't getting too confusing - im sorry if it is! Bare with it!**


	22. Chapter 22

**MELLO.**

"The next thing I know, Roo is shaking me up, Neave at his side, asking where Mail had gone"

"What?" I breathe.

"He went back" L says factually.

"Of course he did" Matt whispers, a ghost of a smile on his lips. "He was both full and empty with loss and grief...they'd butchered his girl and made an attempt on his brother, what else could he think to do?" He was quiet for a moment.

"I wanted to go after him – but there was this nagging voice in the back of my head that it was too late. I _knew _that it was too late.

Roo got a phone call seconds after from our gang. They said that the rival place had been blown up. They wanted to confirm that it hadn't been them – they didn't have anything to do with it. Roo didn't tell them anything. Probably didn't have time to..."

"You went to find him" L's eyes are dark, but understanding.

"Of course" Matt nods. "I left Neave with Roo; it was something I had to do. Something I had to finish. So I went back and I searched. The place was torched – too many explosives. It did a great job of-... it fulfilled its purpose.

And I couldn't find Mail. But I waited. Not sure how long for...but I sat by the burning shit hole and I waited" I hear it in his voice; there is something else to it, something else he isn't going to say.

He glances at Neave, her eyelids nearly closed. "Eventually Roo and Neave came back and took me away. The place burned, the rival gang were gone, and ours disbanded. We left it at that. Mail was dead – the family broke its ties and we left"

"I went with Roo" Neave said quietly, half asleep.

"And why did I let him take you with him?" Matt asks, just as quietly.

"Because Matt loves me just as much as Daddy and Roo does. And he knew... that Roo would be better for me till I got older, 'cause Matt...Matt was sad and there wasn't anything to do to make him happy again" She says it in a rehearsed way, a way that makes it apparent that she'd asked _'why did Matt leave me?' _every bedtime and gained the same response. Matt nods in agreement.

"I knew that Mail would've wanted a normal life for all of us, after that. To be out of trouble and to have some sort of stability. But I also knew that being with Neave...it could never be normal. I didn't know how to raise her; I didn't know whether to ..." He falters over his words.

"I mean, could I have raised her as mine? It would've been easier than explaining every week that no, I wasn't her dad and that really, I was her uncle, but it's confusing because actually, I look like her dad" Matt smiles softly.

"But...it was easier to let Roo take her. He'd keep her as he knew her...treat her as she was – a family friend, his god-daughter. When she began to understand things, he'd gradually explain them to her. As she understood more, I let myself back in.

I hadn't lost contact with Roo – we kept updates on each other at least once a year so I knew how they were doing – never mentioned where we were, though. Not until it slipped and I realised they were close by..." He finishes and slowly brushes a finger over Neave's cheek. She doesn't flinch, asleep. "Neave?" He whispers - and gets no response. She's asleep. "Okay"

Then he turns to L.

"Rewind" He says quietly. "Back to finding nothing. Sitting by the burning shithole and waiting, yes?" Everybody nods, suddenly either confused or completely interested. "I didn't sit and wait - I moved and god-damned looked. I searched, and..." His voice lowers. "I found him - or at least, his body. Not totally blown apart, but..." He double checks Neave's asleep before continuing.

"It was bad. I tried to get him out but he was buried mostly under rubble. He tried to make me leave but...what kind of brother would I be if left him? My brother?" His eyes shine again. "I tried so fucking hard to bring him back - begged him to be okay, for me - for Neave. She had to be enough for him, she _had _to"

"But he had too much internal damage, I think. He bled out from everywhere and there wasn't anything I c-" He chokes and I don't know why I can't move to comfort him. He sucks in a breath and tries again. "He was dead. I couldn't do anything with the- the body so I found a flame and...i guess I cremated him. Then Roo and Neave came and found me where I sat watching it burn - I didn't tell Roo it was Mail's funeral until later. He understood..." He let out an odd breath of a laugh.

"I was a wreck for a while" He admits, looking lost and then finding me watching him - staring at him. He smiles, and I like the way his eyes light up. Like he's back to being my Matt.

"I had a few flings between leaving the gang and you" He specifies, nodding in my direction. "Kayla was my experiment, I had to _try _and like girls – but we were clear where we stood with that. You were my first,...i guess _only _real...heh'" _Love. _I was his first and only real love. I can't help but smile just a bit.

"It really was just random. That day. But you were gorgeous and memorable and I liked the way you ..." He bites his lip and I can't help the giddy feeling that creeps into my stomach, at the memory of the night we met. "No, not that. After Carah and Mail died, then Roo and Neave leaving – I'd lost that family feeling in my gut – the one that told me I was safe, that nothing could take it away. One look at you and it was back – I swear"

"Then you know the rest. You knew _me. _I couldn't be anyone _but _me when I was with you. It was a clean slate and I was tired of trying to be anything different. Everything you made me feel made it impossible to be anyone else. But when you started digging, and names came up...I wasn't sure who I _needed _to be. I could be the old me, like...the way I was in your office? Or the interrogation room?" I nod to show I understood; although I liked his dominating confidence, it was foreign. The part of him that he had to use to protect himself. "Or the me that you'd grown to know – because I hadn't had the chance to be that way for a long time. Either way, I realised I risked losing you; so it didn't matter. I just went with it"

"You were always you" I realise and Matt nods. He'd always been himself, just as he'd known himself to be in particular situations.

"We'd never been in a situation where I'd need to be like that; so you weren't to know" He shrugs it off. "And that's all there is" He turns to L."Nobody knew I existed and they thought they shot Mail. They were wrong - they shot me. I'm Matt." He pauses and nobody but me smiles. Matt turns to Gevanni. "And as I've said, the reason my records look the way they do is because I had to remake them. Mail was dead so I didn't have a cover any more. I couldn't go walking around as a dead man - my _brother, _no less. I've easily learned that you can't fully replicate an untampered personal record; I'm sorry" He paused.. "Is that sufficient?" L's head drops in a nod and Light, for once, is speechless.

"No – wait" Light splutters. "So, the rival gang; some of them obviously survived; why were they going after you?"

"Seriously?" I mutter. _What an idiot, he just _explained _it. _

"The only thing I can think of is that they think I'm Mail, just like you did. That he's still alive. They must've thought they shot him - me - dead, and they can't have known it was him that died in the explosion. Our plan didn't allow for our identities to be revealed - but then, it wasn't meant to be his suicide, either"

"It would make sense" I murmur, conscious of Matt's eyes waiting for a reaction - and he seems happy with that one. _I _am happy with that one. My Matt is still my Matt and this really is just one big, huge, massive misunderstanding. So why am I not completely elated, right now?


End file.
